[[She feels her blood boiling.]]
When she feels trapped she craves
the icy wind on her face, the silence of the falling snow.
Under the hazy black sky, one forgets bars on windows.
Tonight the lights are oppressive so she
pushes herself up the sloped and rocky earth,
forgetting the warnings of "people who meant well."
Ruthlessly embraced by that
old friend, the cold breath of the summit,
she raises her face to be kissed by the stars.
[[Steam is rising from skin.]]
Lately there's been too much
talk, too much cracked lips and
quick fixes and "maybe tomorrow then."
And no one notices the flames
behind eyes, beneath fingernails, that
char the pages full of secret plans.
No one notices the heat--
or, rather, no one risks it.
Too many have been bested already.
[[Our world does not exist.]]
If they were to find her in the morning,
frozen in yesterday's clothes and yesterday's problems,
it wouldn't be a surprise.
Comments
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Emotional.
An impacting write, yet it leave the reader wanting more; wanting to have closure. I get the sense that you do not know how it will end thus the piece is left as it is, antisipating. Well done, and even the jilted flow of the stanza's and wording adds to the feel of the poem. The imagery tells a story in a way that simple words would not be able to. Congratulations on an excellent write.
On a side note I would just like to say that I noticed you clicked on my Critical review featured poem of "Seven (Adults Only!!!) yet did not leave a comment. I figured that you were shy and thus I am stopping by and leaving you a comment so that the way is opend for you to do the same on the afore mentioned poem.
Blessings to you,
Rev. Alimae
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well i felt as though you left the end hanging as if it were not done, but none the less i did love reading this poem, great work i wish you all the best and much love,
endless-lover
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