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pool


thap thap thap
(flip)
thap thap thap
this sound of packing cigarettes incites
inexplicable welling anger

thap thap thap
I'm not
thap thap thap
like you
thap thap thap
at all

Author notes


Written November 24th, 2003

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • 100percentbran
    December 2, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Hey--

    Yes, I did date someone that smoked, and I have asthma because my parents smoked (and still do, but not near me) when I was a kid. Maybe that's incited some unknown aggravation. But really, I just hate it when people bang their package of cigarettes to get attention. Like "hey, look at me, I'm dumb, I'm smoking, and you should pay attention".

    People can do what they want, but sometimes I think they're trying to attract attention when packing cigarettes, and it's about the dumbest sh*t ever. That's it. Thanks for asking.


  • Ricci Croix
    November 26, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Did you ever smoke? And is that what is making you so angry? That once you made a decision to stop...temptation made you angry? Or has a loved one died a hideous death due to throat or lung cancer? Or........have you never smoked? Hate the smell of it? look of it? filth of it? And deplore kissing someone who has just smoked a cigarette, which is a real pisser, because you desperately want kiss this person, passionately, deeply, wholely, and you can't because all you can think about is how disgusting they taste after having smoked a cigarette? Well, I won't date anyone who smokes. Because I won't kiss anyone who smokes. And I ask people who come to my home, to smoke out on the enclosed back porch, where there is a kitchen table to sit at and smoke. I don't feel I should be subjected to that crap in my own home.
    Well, if I have totally missed the point of this poem, at least I had the opportunity and motivation to make a statement. One I feel strongly about!!!

  • drowningophelia
    November 25, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    i wish i could spell "onemonepeia" correctly, but I haven't been able to since 7th grade. So, great use of sounds in this one. you have always been great at using sensory images to convey what's going on, to give the reader a sense of setting.

    great write, bran

    ophelia

  • Schiska
    November 24, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    hmm. really good, and i'm taking it in a lot of different ways fo meanings. Nice job.
    -Racheal