I walk
these cold, empty halls
full of students
yet empty of joy
I hold
her ever loosening hand
barely grasping
to the little truth left
I enter
the room where you sit
so ignorant
to the emotion I hold
I cry
for wanting you
while holding her
closer than ever
I spoke
useless and boring
words to you
while hiding my deepest passion
I know
nothing about you,
except I took that hairpin
because your hair's better down
I walk
these cold, empty halls
my only joy
forever clipped to my sweater
Author notes
For the girl I'll never be with. A girl that I chose [my girlfriend] over.
I was sitting by this girl in a class and said she should let her her down. She said no, because she needs to have it cut and styled different. So I ninja-ed the hairpin [its a little black bobbypin] and her bangs fell from the side of her head straight down. It was really cute. I cant wait to see her haircut. I doubt she even remembers I still have the clip.
A contest entry
- Unknown crush contest *_* by TwilightBloodRuns.
375 points, ended March 4, 2008, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I like it. This reminds me of romances in high school and how great and intense they always felt. Congratulations on the silver.
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thanx!
Yeah, it was about a highschool romance
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Impressive
I rarely see poetry on here that impresses me, and speaks to me.
I love your use of simple words to form complex meaning - it's something I admire and try to use.
I can understand the sentiment in this poem, and I know that I am both the subject and the writer of something similar to this situation. I like how many people can be a part of it, but that the hairpin itself is so tiny in perspective.
Very cool
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Radiant
Brilliant poem. Perhaps the best I've seen from this author yet.
The line "I hold her ever loosening hand" is extremely symbolic and yet absolutely tangible. The reader can see, feel, and read into it.
Creating a plot around an object as simple as a hairpin makes this poem true art (there's a reason Lord of the Rings was so awesome).
As a side note: do not lose sight of the threads that most tie you to life. Analyze and realize which threads are easily breakable.
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God given talent. Seriously.
My God, you write amazing stuff. This is truly heart-felt and that's what makes it so amazing. That paired with your use of words and rhythm make the whole thing flow in a way that captures your attention and doesn't release it until the poem is over. Keep penning, this is so amazing.
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Beautiful...The sense of loneliness and the feeling that you think your alone in the world, in a crow but all alone, is beautifully portrayed here. In your author notes as well. I'm not going to offer words that have been over used, like "get well" or "i pray you will feel better" Because they have been over used and have lost their heart felt meaning. I suppose what I will say, is the truth.
I feel a deep sadness inside my heart when I think of what your going through and what kind of life you live. I also feel like I have a connection with you and can relate, because of how you are feeling right now. An invisible hand of comfort and care is seeming to come your way on its own without effort. If you would like to grab hold, we can cling to sanity together and get through things. Who knows, maybe we just may be able to save eachother.
PS- my apologies if this is a bit intense, I am just choosing to be honest. That usually gets me in to trouble or has ppl showing their backs to me, but, that is the chance I'm willing to take.
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Quite Brilliant.
Using and emotion as a metaphor with the bobby pin is a stroke of inspiration.
You also managed to capture the loneliness and lack of life within the school. Very good.
I look forward to your future poems.
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Aww. That's kinda sad and sweet at the same time, and I love the story behind it. Nice job!
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