I’ve owned two house cats for quite a long while;
Two different ages; Two different styles!
The oldest is 'Patch' who is lazy and fat
just eating and sleeping and that is that!
With his belly hanging almost to the floor,
one day he decided to go out the door!
Meanwhile 'Butterhead', my other cat,
was younger and smarter, not nearly so fat.
Patch soon came home infested with fleas;
Now, both of them scratching their ears constantly!
I knew right away what I had to do;
Go to the store and buy them shampoo!
I filled up the tub with warm running water
and got the shampoo that I had just ordered.
The first one to wash, I decided was Patch;
Being lazy and fat, he was easy to catch.
He was curved in a ball and taking his nap,
I strained as I lifted him onto my lap.
Into the tub, now he would go
Meowing so loudly and protesting so!
I soaked him; I dunked him until soaking wet;
He was highly indignant as a fat cat could get!
He squirmed; He wiggled and hissed real loud;
as I rubbed in the lather, he screamed his meows!
With a heft, I got him out of the tub
to dry him off with a beach towel rub.
He really looked funny in his soaking wet mane;
Even his belly didn't look quite the same!
He was highly insulted and he didn’t linger
and I know if he could, he would give me the finger!
Patch was easy; Butterhead would be harder;
He was shrewd; He was slick and so much smarter!
I knew he’d be hiding and harder to catch
after seeing what happened to soaking wet Patch!
I came down the stairs and searched far and wide,
looking in places where he'd try to hide.
Then, finally SUCCESS! Behind the couch,
tucked in the corner and into a crouch!
He was wary and I noticed that look in his eye;
He knew what was coming and so did I!
Of course, when I called him, he wouldn’t come.
I reached out to grab him, but he started to run!
He circled the house attempting to flee;
'Ring around the Rosie', this cat and me!
I finally caught him and he was subdued
giving me glances I considered were lewd.
The closer we got to his wet destination,
the more that he squirmed in desperation!
Now, Patch was easy cause he was declawed,
but, Butterhead had weapons on every paw!
He meowed; He hissed; My forearms he raked!
I didn't wear long sleeves; A fatal mistake!
With one hand, I held him; With the other, I lathered;
I tried to control him but it didn’t matter!
My arms, he was clawing; A four footed attack!
He hissed at me loudly and I cursed him right back!
Now, finally rinsed and into the towel
he shivered and quivered and cursed his meow!
They were finally done; I swore "Never again!"
I was scratched; I was mad; I was wetter than them!
Now, in the future, if they’re bothered by fleas,
a flea collar is all they’ll get out of me!
I saw your contest, and that's all it took;
You wanted a poem; I sent you a 'Book'!
Author notes
*A Dedication to my two Pet Cats 'Patch' & 'Butterhead'
They are now wearing 'Flea Collars'!
In a list
A contest entry
- Animal Lover's Contest - in honor of Debilynn! by kareneisenlord.
900 points, ended March 20, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pet Poetry by Cynthia Gaines.
1200 points, ended July 1, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Spoilt Pets!!! Give me your best Paris Hilton pooch write hahaha by moaner.
850 points, ended May 22, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Have you ever gone through this?
Comments
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I too learned the hard way 
Flea collars are soooooooooo much easier 
Very funny story and the imagery you've used painted a VERY clear picture...best of luck
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I have a fat cat too. His name is Sebastian and he weighs twenty pounds
I think my cats wins as far as cellulite goes. hahaha...
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this is absolutely fantastic! you painted an superb picture with lots of imagery and i really like the last stanza too! thank you for entering, good luck in my contest x well done x
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Oh, this is hilarious and every word a spoken truth! I only gave one of my cats a bath and that was years ago, never did it again! Not even when my cat, Tigger, got mixed up with a skunk, I just made him stay outdoors til the smell went away.. (Fortunately, it was summer
).. I really enjoyed this, thanks so much..
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My cats are indoor cats. They're such goofballs that I dread what would happen if they got outside! Especially Max the Wonder Cat, who's so old that he's almost blind. I tried collars, but mine seem so double-jointed that they always get them off! I like the title.I personally also like rhyme. I like the last line.I like their names.
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hahaha kitty bath have to hate them lol
best of luck
--kat -
Oh a few times, you bet.
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LMAO!!!! This is so funny! Thanks so much for sharing.
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I loved this poem. Captures the truth of cats in baths. It is so simply written that it is a enjoyment to read. Even with a hangover.
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This was an adorably sweet poem and had me laughing and nodding in agreement. Been there done that. Thanks so much for sending the link.
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Thank you for entering the contest!!!
I enjoyed reading about your wonderful pet cats! I'll bet they're really fun (and a handful) to have around the house!! Your creative poem is an ode of loving joy, straight from your heart. Thank you for sharing, and I wish you all the best!!! Peace, Cyn 
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I can totally relate! Thanks for sending me the link on this one...very cute how you gave human words and characteristics to your cat!
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Al, you crack me up...this is hilarious...what a scene you have created, I hope it's a fictitious story and you didn't get all scratched up...I like their names too...Patch ,I can imagine, but Butterhead, has my mind wandering...good write...mary
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Excellent
hehehehehe
I truly enjoyed reading this perfectly penned piece of poetry.
Congratulations on your most deserved Honourable Mention trophy.
Well done.
Best of luck with the other contests.
Keep up with the great work.
Keep on penning.
Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful talents with us.
*S* Cynthia
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Hahaha! Oh my... This was hiliarious. I loved it. The rhyme really set it off and made it fun to read. Thank you for the entry. ^.^
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Rolling on the floor with laughter
I can see the whole scene now. I also saw some of your mistakes with the bath. Next time I would start with the youngest, and hardest one first, since you know you will have trouble with him. And Always wear long sleeves or gloves when washing a cat. You may want to wear rain gear too. LOL Thank you for a wonderful laugh and poem.
P.S. Also holding them by the nap of the neck will help keep the feisty ones still.
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Cute ...
and dangerous. A cat's bite has one of my friends so ill that he can't do anything but sit and watch movies and sleep. He was on antibiotics for several weeks and on IV's for at least that long. If this is a true story, you are lucky indeed that the cats didn't bite you.
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nice very creative!i like how you used a really life experience!
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LMAO I love it! An excellent story about your two cats! I love to read your rhymes. My mom's cat loves getting in the tub, but I don't know if he likes the bath part. He climbs in after you get out of the shower! Best of luck in this contest as well.
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Well done! Thankyou for sharing this very catchy and fun write.
Sounds like you had fun lol
both washing you're cats and writing this special write.
I could relate I have the same fun when washing my kitty but she gets her nails clipped before I bath her, I made that mistake myself,I was sore after lol.
Well done, I really liked this poem.
Goodluck in the contest.
Love and Light. -
Very true, very cute, very well crafted! I love the rhyming and the happy flow of your words.
Thanks for this fine entry in Debilynn's honor. I know she will love this!
- jo
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That is really something, and it got several laughs out of me - laughs of recognition and you wrote this with such wit and humor. Man, have I been there! I so recognized everything that you say here because it has been my experiences also. I have a fat cat just like the one you describe. He is the love of my life, (shh - don't tell my fiance). When I give him a bath, he howls, yes howls - like he is being killed. He is very restrained though, and doesn't use his claws on me.
Other cats have used there claws on me during bath time, and I have the scars to prove it. Now, I know better than to attempt it alone. One person has to help me hold the cat. They hate water, and that is that!
Anyway, this was such a cute write and I really super enjoyed it. Debilynn will love it too! -
i loved reading this poem seriously. As a fellow cat owner i really liked reading it. it grabed my attention right way and i love how it rymes. great job. good luck in the contest.
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hehe!! this is amazing! It is cute story! Good luck in these contests!!!
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Brilliant
Well worth the wait
A fantastic poetic story hun
Humorous and great fun to read
I love the final lines
Julie x
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You really should consider writing a book, you grabbed my attention through the entire poem couldn't wait to get to the next line. excellent as usual. God bless
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awesome!!!
i love this poem!!!its so cool!!!great imagery!!i could almost totally feel the scratches from your cats!!lol!!i have a ferret and he scratches me when i try to dry him off after taking a bath..he'll enjoy the bath but hates me drying him..lol!!good luck in the contest Al!! much much love!!
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A great story to read over breakfast. I felt every claw mark... I had two long haired cats and can remember and sympathize with you..like you, only ever did the complete wash once, after that collars and powder was all they got.
All the best in the contest (let's hope the contest holder has cats!!!)
Sue
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ha that is a laugh lol maybe i do need variety
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A very funny story, Al. If you would like to replace Butterhead or Patch I have 5 cats and kittens looking for homes and they only scratch a little. I enjoyed this write and wish you well in the contest.
Margaret
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i like this. its cute. thank you for sharing this with me and best of luck in the contest
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lol to funny i know all about washing cats hehe used to be a kennel tech. or wash my own lmao. they have powder aslo you can rub in there skin Great rite very nice and know the troubles with this one hehe
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This is fab!
Which all your writes are I love them each just wonderful my friend And I giggled so much through this one, I would have to agree flea collars would be much easier! I think this is definatly a winner and no good luck should beneeded here this is fantastic
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