Everytime I shut my eyes
The future, "color black", looms above like
pungent God-sweat, acruing in the cusp of drops
about to fall
This goliath, centered In his diadem
swallows cruelty, grudgingly
and we are indebted
by his appetite
On the surface, we are vessels
crashing on non-existent shores
and beneath it
we are drowning
in Time's digestion
A contest entry
- immeasurable. by girl shaman.
1150 points, ended February 24, 2008, 33 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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It's funny, I think that if anyone else had used the words pungent, acruing, diadem, and vessels in the same poem I would have thought they were using a word bank and were overdoing it. But you always use the vocabulary to your advantage and manage to sound graceful and genius. I very much like this ending too, it shows how little people see below the surface, especially in other people.
cassidy
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oh! i loved this;
i've been getting these straight foward, obvious poems and i really cant comment them.
but this.. is good.
'god sweat & cusp of drops" loooved that.
the rest was so.. i dont know; i cant really say but it was wonderful to read that; it had a great flow & feeling behind it.
thank you so much for entering
i have noo sugestions to change this!
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