I love you he whispered in her ear
Telling all the things she wanted to hear
He kissed her cheek and held her hand
Not letting her know his deadly plan
Heartbroken there she lay dead on the floor
Knowing no more her killer just there to ignore
A gravestone is all that is there
No traces left none here none on aware
The killer, heartless and gone
He left her to the great beyond
His deadly lie in three simple words
He's left to go ruin another girl’s world
Author notes
it more or less slam poetry. Emma you may want to kill me after this poem but I NEED to put my feelings out there before I explode. So i'm very sorry to tell you this but ethan said to me I love you and I don't think he ment it. This poe is bout love and how deadly IT IS. LOVE SUCKSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
A contest entry
- I don't have a title so just enter! by BeautifullyBroken42.
450 points, ended March 5, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - †ಌ•Song Or Pic Inspired•ಌ† by xVamPirexMusiCx.
400 points, ended January 4, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Please tell me the prompt you picked. Nice work. I do not partically like rhyming but it was still a nice peice of work. Good luck
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i loved this but love realy sucks!!!!!! i love te poems feeling that were porduced!!!
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love does suck! it shouldn't but it usually does. To bad. Nice poem . Ina couple places I think your missing a word or two so watch that. nice rhymes too. Overall awesome!
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Lol, the love sucks thing. That's exactly what he said.
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Wow, Leigh, this is really good! The rhyming is really good and the flow is really nice. I have one question though... Invasion of the Whistling Monkeys? Oh well, that's beside the point. The major point I would like to make is about PUNCTUATION!! (muahahahaaa *boom* *crash*) This, I have noticed, is a small trend in your poetry. What I am about to suggest will increase your poems' readability! (I know, I sound like a telemarketer) But you might want to add periods or elipsces (...) at the end of a stanza. For the last one, instead of 'His deadly lie in three simple words / He's left to ruin another girl's world'
You might want to change it to 'His deadly lie, only three simple words / Now he's left to ruin another girl's world.' I think it just sounds better. I'm sorry for the nosiness about your poems, but it is REALLY good and It could be perfect!
yer homie
♥ sasha ♥
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wow this is beautiful poem. you expressed you point well! and it ryhmed! that was a great poem to read! Glad you entered and best of luck!!!!!!!!!
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Its okay Leigh. This is a good poem, even if its about him. No worries, i'm okay with it.
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