This is an introspective diagnosis
Upon your physical and mental well being
Now that you have entered my humble domain
Please come sit in this chair
I do ask you to remove your shoes first.
Now that we can begin the procedure
I would like to experiment with your eyebrows
I rather like their texture, would it be a bother if I didn’t return them?
Or what about your lovely ears, no?
Best not then.
I suppose there is nothing wrong with you
Yet I can’t help but wonder what brought you here
I did not ask of your presence
Only of your fearful existence to have an epiphany
What I did not ask for is your visible coagulation of words
If you would only just open your mouth
I could put some cyanide in it.
It would certainly be a bugger for you to die here
Now that you aren’t in control
Wouldn’t it?
But perhaps you would enjoy staying longer
Perhaps you rather like my little practice here
If only you would speak to me
I believe things would get simpler
If only in terms of your mortality.
But in recollection of my past activities
Ill turn off this irritating light however
And I shall let you live your life fully
Stop by anytime if you have changed your mind
Thank you for stopping by my offices
Your shoes…
Are at the door
Author notes
I'm not quite sure what people will think of this, but it just kinda came to me.
A contest entry
- Fire of your mind by DestiniesTwined.
900 points, ended March 13, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Confusion by Zerstort.
350 points, ended April 8, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Surreal and bizarre...and it could "mean" almost anything, or several things at once. I could not get the idea of abortion out of my head in reading this as part of the monolague seemed to fit so well, though not entirely--strange indeed!!!
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oh yes, this is a strange one...made me think of "Welcome to my nightmare" or a Captain Beefheart rave. I like the concentration on facial features - we can't tell anything about people if we can't see their faces - a bit like here on the AP site....and taking off shoes is either total relaxation, or total control. Mmmmmm. How does that make you feel?
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I don't know what some of these people are talking about, "I don't get it. I'm not sure how I feel about it." Are you in a coma?
It reminded me vividly of one of my first psychiatrists, Dr. Atwell. He actually asked me if he could borrow my shoes some time because we were the same size, and he'd never owned a pair of canvas sneakers before. Then he offered me electroshock. I stopped seeing him after that week. Whatever for, I'm still not sure. Maybe it was that irritating light?... -
Excellent
I can totally relate to this one my friend. Fortunatly I have recoved from being a nut. Great Write, nice imagery! ~Peace~Gary
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This is very interesting. The immagery is good. Thanks for entering my contest, and I wish you much luck.
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I think this particular piece would be better suited to prose than poetry. It reads with the natural flow of a prose and it justbreads up unnaturally when it's put into the poetic form of your choosing. All in all, the writing and concept were fine. Just a bit of nitpicking from me that you can choose to take or not to take, simply a suggestion that I'm not firmly weighted in.
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well
this is impressive. i see a psychiatrist's office.
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Oh my. This is quite some poem that you have penned in here. lol
I'm not sure what to think of it. It's definitely different but I think that different and unexpected is a great way to write and I was having fun with this. I think it was your conversational tone that really made it work. Lestways, I think so. You did a good job of expressing yourself here. 
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hehe thanks
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Huh
I like it. But I don't really understand it. It is the most amazing poem u have come up with yet. I love it.
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wow
powerhouse poem...really felt the rage.
"If you would only just open your mouth
I could put some cyanide in it.
It would certainly be a bugger for you to die here
Now that you aren’t in control
Wouldn’t it?"
I thought it was great,
Creatress
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thank you it was alot of fun to write as well
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Interesting
I liked the plot you created and the way your poem talks to the reader. Very creative writing, pal. Nice job! -
WHO OWNS THE OFFICE
the poem is simple in understanding because of the clear diction. also love the wise us of medical term to tell of the diagnosis it doesnt spoil the artistic use of words too.thanks, believe the office is melancholy`s.
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Wow was my first thought also. What a phenomenal depiction of the melancholy experience. We do not ask for it, and we are not looking for the squirrel caging mind talk that creates a cacophony of desperation and self accusations followed by the eventual recognition that there is a value to life and the choice to, or not to, still the mind and embrace what life has to offer. Thank you for sharing. I find it an extremely insightful and uplifting piece.
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thank you very much, im truly glad you enjoyed it it was fun to write
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Wow... I wasn't all too sure what to expect from this by the title but I have to say I am left rather impressed. It was so intense and sad... so realistic. ... I really don't know what else to say except that this was incredibly moving.
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Ah, how I sympathise with THAT one - they system, is shocking.
This for me was halfway between sections of 4.48 psychosis, and a david firth cartoon. THe random images along side powerful, more profound thoughts work very well to create a bizare atmosphere. I have to say, to me it also seemed to have a sense of hopelessness, as if the subject of the poem (not the narrator) was listing somewhat, not really living. Not sure if that was intended, but its what I took away.
Very refreshing and very, very good.
Pink x
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thank you very much for the comment!
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wow.
very cynical, but you used the correct words at the correct times, and i like that.
my overall impression is that it's really good.
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thank you
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i'll say this one is quite weird...
i'm not sure what to make of it, in fact...
mike, aka jonathan wikkins
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