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She doesnt see it

Its so obvious to me,
But she doesnt see it
And probably wont

Til shes 35,
And looks back
on her smooth young skin,
her full
beautifully proportioned
flesh in a school photo,

and realises
the boys that just passed
and caused years of self loathing
with one word
and a low dog laugh,
were wrong.

but for now
she just shrinks away

self conciously,

into the judgemental crowd,

and ties her
jumper tightly
round her

'fat'

midriff

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Desdmona
    April 1

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    This seems slightly evil to me. There seems to be a lot of hate or despite between these lines. I oddly enough liked it, a little even though it seemed so dark. Good job and good luck! ~Des

  • dx d by me
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, autobiographies (at least partially) are always interesting. Nice write. Geo


  • crazymomma
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It is so sad how teasing can affect our outlook on our self esteem. I really enjoyed this poem because beauty is nothing to do with appearance. Thanks for entering and good luck.

  • piccola silver member
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    congratulations on the gold. I really like the ending to the write. It is sad, and yet somehow beautiful. It leaves a sad image in the mind of the reader. thank you for the entry


  • Mirthryl
    March 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. So difficult to distinguish at times, whose opinions are valuable, and whose worthless. So many dish out indescriminate destruction to try to keep their own inadequacies from registering on anyone else's radar...nasty way to live. The pain caused is terribly distressing! Beautiful piece for the gold!


  • BellaD
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome! I love the flow, the phrasing, and especially the wonderful message. Well done and best of luck in the contest.


  • Simply Simple
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very captivating write and I liked the overall message. Please add your author's name in your author's notes. Thank you.


  • GodsTrueSoldier
    February 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    =D hehe ur lucky I read the poems entered, liek I told some other entry when I read the first lines I thought you didnt read teh rules and went on talking about sum1 you love xD

    But I read on and thought it was absoluetly beautiful! I love teh way you cpatured her emotions with so little words like; 'she just
    shrinks
    away

    self conciously

    into the
    judgemental crowd'

    I think that was a very beautiful poem and maybe you shoudl have walked up to her and told her that =D im sure she would have liked to hear it =D



    Thank you so much for your entry...A great on eindeed =D

1 - 8 of 8