Dawn pours milky light
over the lip of the world--
a saucer of sun.
A contest entry
- ~ Haiku ~ A contest for all Winklings & their Friends #54 by Lyndon.
1000 points, ended March 1, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is beautiful, I love a clear sunrise.
Perhaps your title adds a fourth line to the poem.
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English traditional syllabic count.
One grammatical break ... fine.
This verse is absolutely delightful poetry.
A metaphor for each line.
Then, the whole item becomes informed by metaphor of milk, the pourer Dawn and the source, the receptacle, the sun. Exciting as poetry. The final line is resplendent with alliteration.
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metaphoric
Hello there.
You are very good with metaphor in this poem. It's wonderfully poetic. I absolutely love the word play you have managed here with milky light and saucer of sun!
I have seen this kind of poetry often with poets who write 17 syllable haiku. It seems that the two of them go together. Is this the old-fashioned way of haiku? I kinda like it heaps, but my mew learning of contemporary haiku tells me it's not quite right. Oh it's all so confusing!
Best of luck in the contest.
Have a gr8 day,
BJ.
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oh wow! The imagery in this
is really amazing. The first line
is my favorite. great job. good luck
in the contest. -
This is lovely BIll,loved it.Iparticularly admire these short piece because I am rubbish at them myself lol!!!You really are trying different things well done you
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Wow, this is a beautiful haiku, with wonderful imagery. great job. Good luck in the contest.
Kelli
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great
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Now, this IS breakfast sunny side up!
Well done
so short
yet utterly complete.
Bravo-licious.
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