Dreams of perception
skew with opacity,
from blindfolds brusquely lowered,
over eyes, misguided
[or misdirected]
glazing the other way.
Precise phonetics
spew from robotic mouths,
clothed in identikit suits and skirts,
into ears, adjusted to distortion
caused by less accurate
[in manner and information]
red-headed rumour mills,
fuelled by ill-educated hatred
and lobotomised lunacy,
preying on society’s
narrow-minded
prejudices;
replacing
physical fact
with fabricated fantasies
and falsified fictions in lieu of the truth.
Fickle deniability
clouds each sentence
with a sense of misjudged trust
bursting from every puerile page,
raging to infect a mind
- ensnared in the spotlights -
open to anything;
[damning or derogatory]
Sensationalist stories satisfy
self-starved imaginations,
reinforced with statistics,
or more effectively - sadistic stills
and alliterative headlines,
to overload unemployed pupils
and force-fed attention spans
in 30 seconds flat.
Believing without question,
inducing a myth-placed sense of security;
decorating a catacomb of
imminent catastrophe
in volatile stability,
protecting comatose minds,
which hide half-closed eyes
[blind through lack of use]
from a truth that is out there
but isn’t being
sought.
Wielding glorified “wisdom”
without responsibility,
carelessly converting
the simply uninformed
to the maliciously misinformed,
who recklessly regurgitate your simple musings
in a foul-mouthed sea
of hard-boiled
faultless
fact.
Author notes
Word Count: 204
Escher was an artist who drew impossible diagrams and shapes and made them believable to the human eye...
glazing - intentional
in lieu means instead if anyone was wondering/didn't know
red-headed - tabloids with red banners
myth-placed - misplaced
"Is there any truth or is it all just one big myth...?"
And some other quotes I liked:
"The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." - Eden Phillpotts
"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create." - Albert Einstein
"It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows." - Epicetus
"The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend." - Henri Bergson (one of the more relevent ones)
"If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed." - Mark Twain (enough said)
"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth." - Umberto Eco
"These days people seek knowledge, not wisdom. Knowledge is of the past, wisdom is of the future." -Vernon Cooper
“The stone age was marked by man's clever use of crude tools; the information age, to date, has been marked by man's crude use of clever tools.” - Unknown
There you go Chandni, I made another stupidly long author's note. Suggestions and improvements very much welcomed.
In a list
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 5 [Top 10] by Tangled Angle.
550 points, ended February 26, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Suggestions?
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
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Amazing; I'm 22 and so much of this would have floated past me with me being entirely unable to put together a work like this - and I heard you're only 17 so am utterly gobsmacked! Amazing - nothing more to say
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Thank you so much
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Loved it!
Excellent form and content. Love the language use and the alliterative sections. Particularly fond of the double-entendre "myth-placed".
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I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks for taking the time to comment
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I studied Esher in art school. I suemised that he he was tottaly insane. Your poem cauth his essence. You are so yuouhg and talented to understand him the way you have written. Wonderful work what ever your age.
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Insane - most probably
Thank you
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hahaha - congrats on spotlight
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Wow! Its fantastically done ! Crystal thoughts richly worded...good to read sensible poetry after long ! Oh and thanks for the quotes in author's notes...especially love the '...crude use of clever tools..' one...so true.
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Thank you
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impressive.
I REALLY like this poem. I like the whole concept with media and the rest of it with society basically allowing itself to be brainwashed and "go-with-the flow", but not in a good way =] I love your alliteration, someone said it was wordy but I love your choice of words as well, in my head they just sound RIGHT. Though I guess I have a tendency to be verbose myself because i just like the sound of words =P
Also, I like it because I actually know the artist and for someone who hates art galleries and learning about art, it makes me feel accomplished =P
well done!
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Thank you very much
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Another rather amazing write ...
but I was put off by the red-headed bit since half of my relatives are redheads.
Anyway, all in all, this is a very good job.
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Haha, I meant that as in red-headed newspapers, I don't know if you have the equivalent, but things like the Sun, the Star, the Daily Sport, which are basically just hate-spreading newspapers. They all have a red banner at the top
Thanks!
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After another reading, I think I like your notes almost as well as the piece you created. I think you did a great job!
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it was decient
now, i have a simple question of if you have ever read Richard Brautigan. your writing style is overwhelmingly similar to his. I do have suggestions for your poem as a hole however, if you plan on reaching a audience wider than the Advance Placement Kids of high school, easy up a bit. You are trying so damn hard that it makes me want to tell you the cursed words of "process isn't everything." as a writer you should be able to let your words and style flow naturally with out so much force being put behind the poem. -
Simple - the only thing... punctuation.. apart from that, I loved it. Very captivating - unlike your other writes so far - which I admit, I don't completely remember - but this - tis memorable.
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Put in some punctuation now and made a couple of changes.
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Lol, it's like one of those insults wrapped in a compliment *jokes* yeah I will fix the punctuation sometime, just not right now, me sleepy.
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Alright. I'm going to try and give each persona fairly detailed comment so I'll get down to it.
I didn't like the line; "[or misdirected]" and I wasn't sure if you mean "glazing" or "gazing" in the line below it, even though you state it's deliberate nature in your AN. While it may be intensional it makes me pause and I lose the rhythm of the piece
I liked the second stanza but I think it's flow would have been better if it had a little punctuation.
The third stanza was wonderful. The alliteration was obvious but not overwhelming.
The fourth stanza seemed necessary for the feel of the piece but I thought the 6th and 7th line could have been worded better.
I think your main concern with the fifth stanza should be your use of the word 'and'. You've used it quite a few times within a small space. If you could find a different word in one or two of the cases I think it the flow would be much more smooth.
The sixth stanza was wonderful, great word play on "myth-placed". It seemed very emotion fueled and that almost always makes for good poetry.
In the seventh I think you could have worded better. You've made the point, but said it in a rather simplistic way and I know you can do better.
I think the main problem with the last stanza is your use of the word "misinformed' or "misinterpret". Choosing one or the other is fine but having both in there makes it sound a bit pompous. But that may just be the way I'm reading it.
All in all I have to say your language has improved drastically throughout the course of T.I., and this is a fine example of how far you've come.
Good luck
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Made some changes if you want another look...
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That reads much more fluently. It's amazing what a few little commas can do for a piece.
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Originally it was g[l]azing but Chandni told me not to do that lol and the point in the first place was to make people pause, or at least think while they read on.
I agree, I think the lack of punctuation came from me revising it, I'll fix that.
Yes you're right, I hadn't realised that, thanks (the "and" bit)
I liked the assonance of mis but it hasn't gone down too well...
Thanks for your comment, take care x
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90.2
I thought this was one of your strongest so far in the contest.
I appreciate your drive to be creative...with the alliterations and stuff...but I felt it was over-done in some spots. Like, the idea of the ending was cool, but it was too much of a tongue-twister and was just too much. "uninformed" "Misinformed" "Misinterpret" ..i wasnt crazy about that..it reminded me of a really smart person ranting. The title was good, i guess. Not amazing, but not 'just ok' either. It's good. Besides that...well done.
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Made a couple of small changes if you want another look...
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Thanks x
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Wowza. Okay, where to start... Firstly, this blew my face off. Secondly, it was not at all what I was expecting. My immediate thought was that this would simply be paying homage to a great artist. It’s much, much more than that. This piece of prose appears to admonish those who propagate false truths, but most of the castigation is directed towards those who would willingly eat it up, (and most likely regurgitate it without much consideration.)
The school-uniform images are very creatively presented. Identikit? I had to look that up. The use is brilliant. It’s much more meaningful than “identical,” because whereas that merely connotates sameness, “identikit” ushers the idea of being forced to select from pre-designed images to form a composite of a criminal – individuality being the supposed crime? This piece really seems to rail on the education system, which I can surely get behind. In my middle/high school years, the imposed constriction of individual thought always made me uneasy.
However - a testament to your ability to see the bigger picture – you touch down on a number of issues, including sensationalism in the media, bigotry, and possibly, political propaganda, (a myth-placed sense of security.)
The alliteration and assonance are very impressive throughout, as usual.
“replacing
physical fact
with fabricated fantasies
and falsified fictions in lieu of the truth”
I love this stanza, except falsified fictions seems a bit redundant. Perhaps either word would work better by its self, (however “falsifications” creates assonance with “fabricated.”
Overall, I must say, this is really very exceptional. You demonstrate skill, imagination, and you provoke a great deal of thought. A questioning mind is a beautiful thing to have, friend. Don’t let go of that truth-seeking attitude, and definitely do not let go of this gift for expression.
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Ouch, that sounds painful!!!
He really is a great artist, one of my favourites
You are very right
To be honest, it was actually supposed to be an image of newsreader's on the television but the uniform and school conotations work well too! I'm glad you got that from the poem actually, it's always nice to get comments you weren't expecting. I like "identikit" too
Oh and I couldn't agree more with your thoughts on the education system.
I like "falsifications", I'll give it some thought!
Thanks for your really really really great comment!!! x
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So many in this world walk around with eyes and inner soul sealed up , seeing nothing but their own world. Closeing things out is the easy way in life. Knowledge is a good thing to have, but my imagination is far more important to me. Very thought provoking poem...many will be able to relate. And the world still turns...thanks for sharing
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"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create." - Albert Einstein
x
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Wonderfully Written.
Very interesting rythym and wording, but an amazing point that we all should know and understand. Well done and looking forward to more writes!
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Thanks! x
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I like the central premise of this. People often consider everything they hear from the media or some source that they misguidedly trust as entirely accurate. Without thinking for themselves or analyzing the words that enter their brain, its simple easier to memorize everything and analyze nothing. These days we are simply machines without a defined task. I like this poem. The wording forced me to think about society and even about myself. Good job.
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Thanks for your comment, I agree entirely. Take care! x
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Okay.
What a wordy poem, but a point is proven, why is it that something so simple is being complicated? I believe this is a good illustration. -
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It had to be a certainw word count. Thanks for your comment x
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I already got the intentional 'glazing the other way' and thought it was very cleverly done, as are all the 'play on words' scattered through this. I like the way you use alliteration to attack the mususe of it for sensationalism. A great sense of emotional indignation and the title makes a great statement.
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I nicked the title from a quote somewhere hehe *but shh!*
Glad you liked and appreciated the play on words
Thanks for a great comment x
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I like the message in this. It is so very true and I wish more people would understand that... well done. Your words were perfectly penned, good luck.
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Thank you x
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impressed
I am a quotes whore..so I don't think you were too lengthy..your whole write is magnificent..very clever..rich in imagery and alliteration..and all of the other ingredients that make for a GREAT WRITE...thanx so much for sharing and best of luck in the contest..though I suspect trophy..namaste..
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Thank you for your great comment
Haha a trophy would be nice, but the competition is so tough!!!
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Bravo
Well, I agree that this is your best free write, from the few I've read. I also like the fact that you've limited the usual number of [parenthetical] brackets.
I would like to know if there is anything about society for which you cheer, or are we all going to hell in a hand basket? Is it all the fault of someone else? Negativity is SO much easier to write than finding the few things that go right in the world.
All in all this is brilliant, especially given your age.
Paul
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Haha no often I see things that make me thing "that restores my faith in humanity" and it's so comforting when that happens, but sometimes I just can't see a way out youknow. Negativity is easier to write, right across the board, from emotions, to issues, to anything.
Thanks for a great comment and applause x
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wow so much to take in a great write.....well done...*brain overloads and explodes leaving a small pile of dust*
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Eeep, oh dear, I apologise
*sticks itty bitty bits of brain back together*
here you go!
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this was quite impressive great job using/adhering to the directions my compliments on a VERY GOOD WRITE thanks for sharing regards zaj
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A-thank-you-very-much!
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Hell of a long note indeed - remove those extra quotes except the more relevant one! Although I've saved all of the quotes into my collection! [mwuahahahaha]
Alright little boy, you've shocked me when you first showed me this. You're shocking me again now. [shock, shock, one more and it's called a heart attack - you're killing me]
I can't even choose one or two favourite lines - they're littered all over that I might as well just paste the whole poem. This is your best free verse peice in my opinion - so much so ... that I may have to compare them rhyme [but your rhyme is so goddamn brilliant as well]
those unemployed pupils
and force-fed attention spans
in 30 seconds flat
Is this poem single? I want to ask his hand in marriage [pretty please?]I don't know what else to say without repeating myself like a stupid little attention seeking teenager. But if you keep it up like this, you're going to be amazing [and you basically already are!]
Never ♥
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I think it's my best so far too...and yes it is single...well not anymore I suppose!
Thanks as always for your wonderful words of support big sis, it means like...soooooooo much
Take care x ♥ -
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get online, we need to discuss engagement and wedding dates!
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woah, Woah, WOAH! HEY!
This relationship only started like 3 seconds ago!
Crazy fool
Or should that be
Crazy leech!!! -
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DOn't be so possesive - let him speak for himself!
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