Lemon gold.
Slick chocolate skin.
You teased a brush to my breast,
gold; lemon body paint.
The sourness made you suck at my softness,
harder.
Curling hair brushing,
teasing nipples to life.
Moan sneaking out,
He has the camera.
Tonight’s gunna be a ‘snap’ of an adventure.
In a list
A contest entry
- 20th Contest PIF by Spiritualangel 10x10 by spiritualangel.
400 points, ended February 24, 2008, 3 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - JUST TWO DAYS TO REACH 1000 ENTRIES !!!! ( BE A PART OF THIS RECORD BREAKING CONTEST ) by Alex Hex.
300 points, ended May 1, 2008, 526 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Curling hair brushing,
teasing nipples to life.
Moan sneaking out,
Beautiful. Best of luck. -
ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! This is one hell of a write you have penned up here! I didn't know ya had it in ya! lol I'm tee totally impressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AUNT POETDONTKNOWIT
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Thanks Aunty
Oh I do hav it in me lol
Cindy
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Wowzer.....wicked piece!
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Thank you
Cindy
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A very hot... tasty piece full of sensory riches.
Hot imagery and erotic content make this a powerful little piece.
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Thank you
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Oh dear! You really did paint a picture here (pun intended) Wonderful imagery. Oh to be a fly on the wall of your bedroom.
Love,
Amera
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hmm yes to be a fly
lol
Thanks Amera, much appreciated
Cindy
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Waheyyy... love it sis. Delicious!
Got a whole lot of hot wrapped up in this short, but sexy piece!
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thanks sis, wasnt easy to say so much in such a little amount of lines lol
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Amazingly sensual with a hint of playfulness, Cin and so damn hot into the bargain. To be able to take the powerful emotions of love and desire and ease them with a subtle touch of shared humour/fun is an art within itself and you, my darling daughter, are an artist with your words. I hope you do as well as you deserve in the contest.
Love you
Mum
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Thank you, thank you, thank you hehehehe
U
Cin
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Good imagery, and not too flourished, which is nice for this kind of piece. Although the ending was abrupt, it seemed appropriate. Very much a snapshot of a scene. I would say hey, post it, but it would be deleted.
Good luck in the contest. -
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Indeed a snapshot
Why would it be deleted???
Cindy
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Laced with sin, a delicious poem....very strong imagery and very very hot .....well done you.....good luck in the contest....
Rob......
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Thanks Rbo, I had fun writing something so small but sitll with so much lol
Cindy
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Oh, my...this is certainly delicious, well-done Cindy.
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Delicios....lov it, thanks MJ
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You have some very concrete images in this poem, and one of my favorites were "Slick chocolate skin". I feel as if I am reading about a chocolate candy bar, yet it is twisted into something more erotic and arousing. Then it makes me think of a beautiful woman who has this gold liquid covering her, and it tastes like sour-sweet chocolate. Delicious verbals are a main key here, and it really enhances the reader's experience. The only complication I find is the way you repeated the brushing effect: "You teased a brush to my breast" & "Curling hair brushing my breasts". Not only is it the brushing, but also in the same area. I find that both are very strong, yet in the same poem, it lost that strength when it was repeated. Nonetheless, this is a very intriguing write. Will bookmark. Good luck with the contest!
M a r l u x i a
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Thank you for your constructive comment Marluxia. I have made a change and hope it's an improvement
Cindy
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You're welcome. I can see the change, and it is an improvement. Gives more of a flow as well.
M a r l u x i a
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