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Karma

Enjoyed making me cry every morning?
                                      Didn't you listen to the early warning?
Instead of giving me a nice "good morning"
                                      Now you have to suffer and wait for mourning

One by one you fall, red looks good on my hands
                                      No matter how you cry, you will get no bands
Can you feel adrenaline flowing from glands
                                      No more in your veins but running through the sands

Hurting my brain like crazy made you feel good?
                                      How about wounding your toes, walking you would?
The dirk and its red blade, a hilt made of wood
                                      Wood drenched from your blood from the toe to the hood

You once used to put poison in my soft drinks
                                      Now I pierce your cute tongue and your eye just blinks
Too sad you can't stop me, you started this jinx
                                      But don't worry, I'll throw you, your body stinks

Apathetic nightmare, you have words not said
                                      Your eyeballs, your liver, nothing looks but red
It just won't stop your hateful words from a spread
                                      But just wish, your leftovers already shed

I was the only target in this fool's game
                                      Game over, my friends. At your gums my blades aim
This tired moron of being put to shame
                                      Ended with some, bad dream of others became

Author notes

I don't know if this form is new or not, but if it is, I'm going to put a name on it... let's name this...
N-Core

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • reckless abandon
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I have definately never seen this form before. I like what you've done here. Although some parts felt kind of awkward, most of it still flowed smoothly. Thanks for entering.

  • piccola silver member
    April 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the reader can certainly feel the anger here. Nice job putting your rage on the computer screen. Thank you for entering


  • Wearychild
    April 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I have never seen the form before, but i really like it. To be honest I loved that you rhymed but some of the words didn't seem to fit in that good. If you edit this I belive this poem will be absolutley Great. I really like it, ESPECIALLY the form. Kudos for that. Good Luck In the contest.


  • HaileeDear
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Damn. You really let it out on this person. I've wanted so many times to write something like this but i've never been able to. I'm really glad you entered
    xoxo
    pixie


  • Erika Elektrikka
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is not as horrifying as I would have liked to have seen, not saying it's not good.

    Good Luck,
    Erika


  • InMyFlames
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    it makes it a bit hard coz of the line coorindation but other than that awesome and thanks for entering


  • infernalxfidelity
    March 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like this. nice form. it's pretty original. the poem is kinda more emo tahn psycho, but i liked it...

    good luck!

    ~s-h-o


  • TwilightBloodRuns
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    not bad, its a little close to emo though.
    Not entirely though, so i wont delete it.
    Its still a good forming and is quite well placed in rhyme.


  • DestiniesTwined
    March 4, 2008
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    Thanks for entering this into my contest. I wish you much luck


  • Lost Vampyre Angel
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very good,
    very dark and painful,
    makes the reader feel your pain,
    i love the poem,
    good luck in the contest,
    love Elektra xxxx

  • know one
    February 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    great

    the rhyming is perfect really good


  • One Angry Monkey
    February 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well new's a difficult word to define. the layout is unusual, but the form of the work appears to be of rhyming quartets. i may be missing vital aspects of the work so please let me know if there are aspects other than the layout which i should have noticed, such as a dual perspective?

    • Kyo-N
      February 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Not just the quartets, but also the form they're disposed. As my first attempt, I guess I've failed putting it into the dual perspective, which is the main target, to put past against present, good versus evil, but still talking about the same topic, on those stanzas.
      Out of topic: I've based this work on the sound of one of my favorite songs.


  • frownsnfreckles
    February 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    some pretty bad Karma there!! There is madness afoot, no doubt about that though the verse form shows it is pre meditated through its control.


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    February 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    i LOVE the form you used,
    cause it made it all the more interesting to read.
    These lines jumped out at me:


    "Hurting my brain like crazy made you feel good?
    How about wounding your toes, walking you would?
    The dirk and its red blade, a hilt made of wood
    Wood drenched from your blood from the toe to the hood"


    To me, it flowed well and was fun!
    This is dark and chilling, thanks so much for your entry

1 - 15 of 15