ecstasy rubs me raw
supreme being has rocked me
awake
i've got a lot to call you on-
but i am only shouting complaints
shake and toss
we are not losing
the lack of conversation
not mattering
as long you
keep it rubbing
keep me dry and i'll keep
you swayed
word pictures have kept
engaged
so it kept it coming
keep me dry
i'll keep you swayed
disjointed complaint
but YOU ARE complaining
that's the point
this is the point
it made me stay
comfort arises
when you drive by
comfort confuses
as you say it's nothing
more then a
'hello, how are you?'
Author notes
this is rough. i realize that. if you got the suggestions about what to do- i will take you up on it.
A contest entry
- for those of you I actually like by zillion.
1100 points, ended March 5, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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How comes there's one little period in the first stanza, and then nothing elsewhere? lol...not being critical, just curious.
"i've got a lot to call you on-
but i am only shouting complaints"
I like these lines a lot because they're so in step with all of us humans who only complain about other people. It seems like everyone always has something to call someone else on. I know I do.
But that's neither here nor there.
I'm not sure 'you are' should really be in all caps, though I do love how the line 'that's the point' is repeated two times in different form. Very nice.
the last stanza rocks. I love things that end in questions, because they never really feel over. It's like they're just wainting for you to continue it.
Wow...now I sound like a nerd. That's a lot for entering.
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the period is gone. now it is consistant. i guess.
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