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Spring Unsprung

This Spring's needing oiled; damp, rusty and as yet uncoiled.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Lyndon gold member
    February 29, 2008
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    This Spring's needing oiled => oil
    You do not need to internally rhyme!


  • Melodies
    February 25, 2008

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    You took my breath away with the metaphoric wonder here. Wonderful idea that has come to blossom.


  • MargaretG
    February 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the play on words too, though the verb tense is peculiar to me. Spring needs oiling? It could be for the rhyme, if so, don't!

  • Bad Bill
    February 19, 2008
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    I like the idea, but surely "needing oiled" can't be correct?

    Bill


    • Keith
      February 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      The tense is OK around here: present continuous

      I am needing oiled
      you are needing oiled
      He she it is needing oiled

      Well, it's not the greatest one liner ever, but I think it's syntactically sound.

1 - 5 of 5