Breathing through tiny ventricles in your heart.
Countdown of the century.
Dreading the day you were born.
Read the fine print,sprinkle it with lies.
Bygones will be bygones.
Sooner if not later.
Mindless chants and rhymes of soul.
Inhale the fumes of your past.
Dizzy yourself with fairy tales.
Powder-puffed exterior,true to the core.
Lay down your velvet armor.
Tomorrow's only a hopeless dream.
Soft whispers of eternal days and nights.
Memories of times long gone.
Embrace the highs and the lows.
Never realizing moments so true.
For you,only tonight.
It ends tonight.
Author notes
"If you give me your heart; I'll show you how to bury it."
A contest entry
- The You Sound Like I lost The Lotto Contest by Classic Crayons.
660 points, ended February 27, 2008, 2 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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see, a gold, I see, wow, it's like going into the heart itsel;f, like all those little ventricles. Liked it very much.
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Wow..
this poem truly blown me away.
lovely.
xxx
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thanx darling :]
i love the word choices of this poem.
b e a u t i f u l <3
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*applauds* so beautiful, so real.
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wow this was great..very expresive you had the reader captivated readint it all the way down the page with the short and too the point lines
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This is a very well expressed piece. Nice imagery to course the thoughts within. Well penned!
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Read the fine print,sprinkle it with lies.
I love this line; it is so true!
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wow that was short sweet and too the point
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i loved the structure, very unique. not many people can pull of the whole two line thing. however, your poem glowed. keep it up. you have great talent, don't let it go to waste. (:
~Mandy~
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very nicely written
i really thought u wirte this piece really well. thats graet stuff sexy x x
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two words:
YOU ROCK!
I just love the way you write. And really like all the images that you use. This piece seems to come alive
.
Keep it up
!
Peace,
M.
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Very complex imagery and intricate use of metaphors that makes the reader think. All in all I enjoyed the poem, keep it up.
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sporadic at times. very brief images. it was a little bit of a challenge to follow the overarching theme. i got the vulnerability and the resignation, but they seemed choppy, thrown in to the a puddle of very strong images to try to fend for themselves.
dont get me wrong. it was a joy to read and, for lack of better words, dense with color. just a little disconnect i thought might be worth looking at -
Congradulations on the gold, was most deserved, you have woven magic with such emotions, great job blessings John
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"Lay down your velvet armor.
Tomorrow's only a hopeless dream..."
This is excellent poet... and a worthy gold trophy winner indeed! Bravo!
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"Mindless chants and rhymes of soul.
Inhale the fumes of your past.
Dizzy yourself with fairy tales.
Powder-puffed exterior,true to the core."
These 2 really hit me, pure brilliance.
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powerful.
=]
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buried gone and goodbye...with no hope of recovery..this is really good I have something for you *hands her a cup of steaming hot chocolate* I though you would like it..LOL
Simon
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pretty good. i enjoyed reading it and actually understood most of it.
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Mindless chants and rhymes of soul.
Inhale the fumes of your past.
amazing. this is blunt and hard to follow but all ties in well together.
thank you -
I love it
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wow, that was quick.
lol, the keyboard is green...
I really enjoyed reading this. I thank you so very much for making it longer, I felt like such a jerk for that. Your style intrigues me. It gives off this sort of nervous agitated acceptance of fate feeling and leaves me breathless. I really love this.
"Lay down your velvet armor." was an exceptional line.
well, thanks for submitting, and for eh heh, re-writing it.
I enjoyed this a lot.
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Love This!
Oy after reading your poem with the awesome neon pink color background my eye sight sees the keyboard in sight shades of green now LOL go figure! any ways I really liked this poem alot. the contest holder means well so I know you are not a poet who'll kill a judge for being critical like that but I do like this. what I really like is your words and the flow from line to line through out. That is one of the many reasons why I enjoy your poetry and your poetic style. any ways good work all round here and keep up the good work and good luck with the contest.
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Thank you for submitting
This is very good and I like it a lot...But
I don't want to sound rude or anything you obviously put a lot of work in this but please review the rules; the poem has to be a minimum of 15 lines (of text)
sorry, you need maybe six more lines.
I'd hate for you to lose because of a technicality...
if you don't hate me for being so technical you can resubmit, either by editing this or just by submitting a new one and telling me to remove this one from the contest.
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