the long lost innocent

cleaning my room today i found the memories
the tears came through and glittered before the world.
black and white pictures held in my hands.
your face haunts me.
the long lost innocent.
your on the jungle jim in the park.
with the miniature combat boots i bought you for christmas.
i miss you so much.
almost a year has past.
but i can hear you calling me through the hallways.
why did you leave us?
dont you know i need you?
a child not cared for.
not loved for.
but i did.
you were the gift to me.
i cant have kids.
you were my daughter though.
just two more weeks you would have been mine.
why?
i miss you so much.
i miss your laughs and i miss the giggles.
the way you would shake your head to ozzy and then fall over laughing.
i hate your mother.
i hate your father.
but i love you.
i still do.
i visited you today.
brought you flowers.
talked to you.
its not the same.
even as i watch the calender and watch your seventh brithday approaching i really just want to die.
why you instead of me?
didnt you deserve life?
where is my shadow now?
are you in heaven smiling down?
i hope your happy where ever you are.
sometimes i can feel your presence around me.
and i smile.
and i can get through the day.
hope you are with your sister.
send her my love.
i miss her to so much.
tell her for me.