you see my face..
all the scars that i live with?
wasting away,
can't figure out what's wrong.
why it's wrong.
when i can fix it..
how i want to fix it..
where did i go wrong?
because of you...
i don't know myself anymore.
i can't speak the words.
i can't hide the pain..
i don't want the love.
i'll carry the damage-
all of this pain...
it scars me to the core.
all because of you
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Interesting. The repetion of te word wrong in the first stanza helped to set the mood and create a better impact toward the end.
I felt like it could have been longer and more elaborated on, but it was still good. Very dark and straight to the core.
Punctuation might have helped with the flow. I can give some sugestions if you like. There are just places that I felt needed longer pauses that just a line break would give. Commas and and semi-colons perhaps? Maybe periods.
All just sugestions. Overall... a wonderful piece. I urge you to keep writing. I'll keep reading.
Infinate Clappys
etc.
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