Million dollar athelete's
playing on field$ of green
Hungry children on the street
a game they've never seen
Senseless deaths by the score
that never should have been
Give health insurance to the poor
the old their medicine
Don't take the house my father built
when you took his job away
He's already filled with guilt
from your taxes he can't pay
Why are we at war again
a game for bush to play
There's no way that we can win
bring them home today
Politicians close there eyes
not affected by inflation
Pockets lined to shield the cries
of their crumbling nation
A contest entry
- Injustice by BabyBun.
600 points, ended February 29, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Say something by HellRaiser21.
600 points, ended May 4, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite contest by Sadistic klown girl.
1000 points, ended June 2, 155 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyming prewrites :] by Ami.
577 points, ended August 7, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Nicely written. I think though, that the flow was thrown off by lack of punctuation. In my opinion I feel there should be a period at the end of each stanza. It makes things flow and look better. Great job and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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I was just thinking.How can something flow when you stop it.With a period .Don't you think moving to the next line down is an easier slow to the flow.
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Nicely written. I like the write and how emotional it is. You did a good job on this piece. Thank you for sharing.
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YAY... This is good and even though my political view on the war is a little different I understand you point. the politicians are jerks and they need to pay more attention to their nations people. Koodles
blessed be
Mystic
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So true. Only suggestion is that some of the ryhmes are a little forced - but I can't ryhme to save my life so I congratulate you anyway lol.
Good stuff. -
I feel you! Good work and thanks for entering.
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