Life is
affirmation of suffering
while fleeing paradise
to embrace
brutal comforts
of the lash
always knowing
there is
no escape but
with vain hope
that death will
end the pain.
A contest entry
- 31 Words or Less With A Prompt. by Exodus.
525 points, ended February 27, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Oh my. This was amazing. And rather how I think sometimes.
Great use of language
Thank you -
Such a great write for the prompt here. A deep and dark glance of possibly the hindsight, that can never follow the ending of it all. Those first two lines just say so much...
Nice penning!
-
Extraordinarily brilliant..and you started writing in March of 07?? Keep it up..you're a great inspiration to me*
-
you know... it screamed "suicide" to me
maybe that's just my mood talking... but really, I could envision a young girl, trembling, knife in hand, ready to slit wrists...
okay, enough of that.
Onto critiquing the poem itself:
no critiques. I thought it was expertly written. Great style, I love your choice to go free-verse with this one, and the hint of rhyme in places really helped pull the piece together (such as suffering/fleeing/knowing and escape/vain/pain).
Impressive and somehow managed a light tone despite the extremely dark subject matter.
It was almost giving me the message: death is the only escape to the pain, but it's okay because that's part of the game. It's okay to feel pain, even good - it means you're alive.
-
short but sweet. what a tangled web we weave:
no escape but
with vain hope
that death will
end the pain.
-
Such deep philosophies here. It reminds me of traditions with the Cajun people in LA. They cry when babies are born, for their suffering has just begun. They celebrate at funerals, for the pain of life is over. I like this, even in all its sadness. You are as masterful with freeverse as you are with rhyme. Simply wonderful my friend.
Blessed be,
Billie Jean
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
