I'm going where you're leading,
but you're laughing while I'm bleeding,
and because of all your cheating,
we will never
be the same.
I'm begging and I'm pleading,
and my heart is quickly beating,
'cuz this monster that you're feeding's
getting mighty
hard to tame.
I'm shattered and I'm broken
from the lies that you have spoken.
All my dreams are flayed wide open,
and my hopes are
all but dead.
But now you're the one who's crying,
and your cold facade is dying,
'cuz you'll have a hard time lying
with a bullet
in your head.
Author notes
heartbreak/angst
A contest entry
- Anything you want... by islekine.
600 points, ended February 27, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Different by Dak.
450 points, ended February 29, 2008, 25 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by fairytalelovestory.
625 points, ended April 11, 2008, 72 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best prewrite between december 07 and february 08! by danceswsquirrels.
1910 points, ended April 1, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - only rhyme here :] by Ami.
550 points, ended April 17, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Lovers Only by sorries.
700 points, ended April 25, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites by Dragonbabyx3.
800 points, ended July 6, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
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... remind me never to piss you off!
This is an awesome write Sis. Although... How bout you lead, and I will follow 
I really enjoyed the rhyme and flow to this, you did exceptionally well on this one. Of course, that is quite evident with all the shinys. 
Good Luck and Thankyou for entering my contest!
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loved how it flowed
Great Write and
Thank You for entering my contest
Good Luck
- ♥Amanda♥
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this packs sadness and your words are great. thanks for sharing.
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This is an interesting poem. Thanks for sharing it with us. You use imagery well here. Thanks for entering it into my contest. And congrats on all your trophies they are all well deserved.
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This is excellent.... thank you for entering.
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nicely done
nice--the rhythm is fantastic--it's at a great little clip and then a punch--i can hear it wonderfully in my head. well done! -
oh...I can think of an array of chords that would go with this...I mean you can do anything with this...blues...ballad....country.....blue grass...... ..........anything.
This was written with the precision of a songwriter.
You are prolific as much as you are articulate.
The next Carol King....great songwriter...
go for it lass....
Enjoyed this a great deal.
Love and Peace,
LOWELL
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I'm sorry. You didn't put the prompt in your notes.
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whooaaa!!! and the laughing, cheating breaking hearts with deceit and lies and leaving ones dreams "flayed wide open" can certainly provoke one< especially in love, to be the one to pull the trigger. powerful write
thank you for entering my contest and good luck with the judging
xxx
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Oh wow - very nicely expressed! I love the ending - haha
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an excellent write, I love the rhyming and rhythm of this. Very well done, a pleasure to read.
Rory
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Oh I love it, talking about pay back. The rhyme and flow was so perfect and the ending punch. Definitely deserving of the gold.
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....You're now my hero. I really REALLY enjoyed reading this. You rock.
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....omg
OMG!!!!!!!!!
sorry but theres just no other way to explain this!
I was reading along and the rhythem was so good, it just kept getting faster and faster until I came to the end (and OMFG what an end!) and I came screeching to a hault.
This whole peice is bleeding with pain and suffering but it's carried on strong wings thanks to that last line that packed a wicked punch!
Good show!
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Well that's true hahaha thanks for your entry.
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This is very well written.
Very smooth and easy to read.
Sure was a suprise ending I like suprises.
Thank you for your entry
and good luck in the contest. -
It does seem like a song. Sorta reminds me of Greenday. SHort quick meaningful stanzas without a chorus. Nice poem. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Great!
This flows so well I'm sure it could be sung with the right music! You are an amazing writer! You write with total emotion and no fear! Thanks for writing
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Wow
Obviously, the end is magnificent. Sometimes crimes of passion can seem so understandable although tragic. I really enjoyed this poem. It is so hard to stop a bleeding heart. I can so relate to this...
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I love the flow, the rhyme is amazing... there just isn't anything I don't like about this... I've chosen this one as my Bronze choice!
Jessa♥
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5
NUMBER IS FOR ME, NOT A PLACEMENT. -
I love the use of rhyme and the emotion in this piece... it really speaks to me!
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Bronze
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different but still well written
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HM!
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HM
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I really loved this. Silver.
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Great rhyming throughout this little poem
I would give you at least a HM.
All the best,
~T.S~
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Honorable Mention.
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Liked the flow, rhythm and rhyme in these lines; two golds is nothing to scoff at either. Congratulations. Strong ending.
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ha. love the rhyme scheme. thanks for entering.
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Kind of freaky that you have fantazied about doing this... BUT I really think that this was wonderful.. I love the dark writes and this was definatly a great dark read.
Thank you so much for entering and participating in my contest and good luck,
~lumin -
Hehe, very catchy, made it re read it numerous times. It gave a twisted, vindictive feel in a sense, which appealed to my dark humor. The structure is wonderful, the rhyme is perfectly done. I loved every line, and therefore cannot give you a set of favorite ones.
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I really honestly enjoyed the jaunty rythm to this poem, well written and snappy! Great work and congrats on the gold!
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congrats on your golden entry
well written poem.
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I love this poem
Your and incredible writer. Congratulations on you trophy you earned it.
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WOW! that was really good rhyme and the ending is definitely my favorite!! I wish you luck in the contests. Much love.
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LOL. That's the first thing that comes to my mind..haha. That's hilarious... Well it's really good! I like how you explained everything and then at the end it's like BOOM. Comeback. Nice job. Nice...
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HOLY CRAP AWESUM
dude tht was awesum u kno the only thing i didnt suspect was the ending i only gave 1 applause cuz' i dont have many left but it would be a 3
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this is awesome.i love it.it rhymes so well you know my fav part is the end.but the whole thing is really good
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Great emotion and I really like the rhythm it's wonderful... all the way through...
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WOW
ok then. honest. up-in-your-face piece. i love it!
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i love it.
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Wow.
Absolute, WOW! I LOVE IT!!!!
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oh that sounds sad but its really good x
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Duuuude
That was so cool. Sorry to be so informal, but that was freakin' sweet. The ending was like a Martin Scorsese
flick, or Tarantino.
'cuz this monster that you're feeding's
getting mighty
hard to tame.
You're clever is abundant.
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Wow.
This is awesome , great writing style.
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hAH this is awesome I didn't expect the ending!
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I am so not a fan of dark...but am learning to read it...
lol...This is absolutely superb...the rhyme and meter are right on! Thanks for entering!
Write on...and on
*PEACE*
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You Rock!!
Wow...dark and edgy...I like it. I didn't see that ending coming. Way to surprise. I really like the rhyme and the way you ended each stanza. It was sort of a different arrangement. Very nice. I especially liked the 2nd stanza..."cuz this monster that you're feeding's getting mighty hard to tame." It's so true that sin is like a monster inside each of us, ravaging us to the point that we are unrecognizable and do thing that we'd never do otherwise. Well written!
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Excellent!!
This is excellent---Great flow and emotions run rampant!!
Reminds me of my poem "Muffled Monster"!!
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