Saturday night down the seafront
at the Dog and Don't Give A Duck
there were screams and some shennagins
as the bar boys ran amok,
a battle broke out
between Light and Bitter
it was a sight to see
glass-bottoms in the air
without shame but blame
on who had the biggest
and more masculine derriere,
the Keeper of the Inn
not known for his glad tidyings
said he didn't give a Four xxxx
or a flying fluck,
he was the Dom Perignon
with the most aplomb,
and decreed with a shout
stop throwing Snowballs
or I'll have Jack Daniels
sort you shower out!
he will make your
silly heads spin 'round
'til you wear a permanent grin
and give you an appetite
for food like a kebab
and affect your sight so sin
is not forgotten completely,
but cause you to wake up
with someone who looked better
before reality dawned,
this is my bar so behave-
you have both been warned!
A contest entry
- Alcoholic Drinks go to WAR! Aye, 'tis a shocking event! by Melodies.
600 points, ended February 29, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bring it on by RebelDLine75.
555 points, ended June 28, 2008, 36 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Humour 2 by georgie.
650 points, ended November 18, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh by Lisa..
700 points, ended January 17, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
constructive comments welcome
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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realy good keep up the good work and good luck
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lol funny piece... especially love these lines...' said he didn't give a Four xxxx
or a flying fluck,'
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
A bit strange but cute just the same! Thanks for the entry
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Well, I think what you proabley should have done in this poem is
blah blah blah blah blah...just kiding, really funny, dude/dudette good luck in the contest.
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this reminded me of some things as i read it. and you have certainly captured the humour in your words well done
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Chuckle
L29 "forgotten"
Reminds me of Saturday nights at the Tenby when I was a student - though bared bottoms would have received robuster attention.
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what a riot
he ehee this was quite funny. You are a funny lady
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congrats good rhyme vg opening vg ending waking-up thanks for sharing regards zaj
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i just fancy a kebab now, a fun piece of poetry, what was lager doing while light and bitter had a scrap, probably hiding in the toilets. a good poem.
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Let the wonderful fun begin!
The delight begins with "glass bottoms in the air," and runs with huge smiles all the way through this cleverly written poem that is packed with splendid humor. Every stanza excellent and I add my applause to the fine comments gained. 
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This is a poem I can drink to. I salute you and the humor that is in your poem. Well done. Being a former bar tender I have seen some funny things.
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a pleasant tipple of a read
great read brought a big smile to my face on a freezing boring wednesday in work.so many clever plays on words and great use of rhyme. loved it good luck in contest.
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what a great thing to read after a long hangover lol, funny and witty are only standard when it comes to you, after reading so much from you I'm running out of compliments, i hope one day you fail to impress me so i can finally say something else I'm tired of harping on lol, hope your well
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Huzzah!!!
I tip a cup
so bottoms up
until my head doth reel
The numbness spreads
throughout my limbs
until I no longer feel.
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Love it
Good old Jack sorted me out many moons ago
I wouldn't give a flying fluck for a Four xxxx even though it is an Aussie brew.
Most enlightening read...I shall keep my eye out for such goings on at my local watering hole.
Well wishes hon!
Linda
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Thank you for bringing a smile to my face on this cold dark night.
Even though this has been written with a lot of humour included there are some well thought out points laced into it .. all in all I can't see anything that stands out as "out of place"
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Fan-flaming-tastic! I love Jack Daniels! Bring it on! LOL!
I wish I could not realte to this so well, hee hee! Fabulous poetry though, loving the descriptions!
Cheers!
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keen eye...
where some horvacious pool ripples on the surface, the deepness of the well bubbles up deep beneath. there's a stiff aberation hidden in here somewhere, perhaps where the beer babes don't see the oncoming slot waves burgeoning the barred alliances beween the patrons/matrons and the owners...
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I consider myself warned. hehe. great job.
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I'll have a pint of Boddies luv, that'll be reet champion... and of course washed down with some Theakston's Old Peculiar...
yepp... this is a good pub .... I'll make myself comfy here...
grand
wanna go on a crawl...???
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A mixture of analagies here with some aussie beer in an English pub. Excellent write that makes sure I check out a Pub before deciding to stay. Thank you for sharing this one.
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I love the humor in this piece--it's really well written. I liked this line : said he didn't give a Four xxxx
or a flying fluck.
I hope to see more of your writting
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this was pure fun to read serious was lurking in the background tho or maybe it's just 'my' serious
'Dog and Don't Give A Duck' made me laugh out loud
you've got a truly unique way with words
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I give you mad props for writing something I have honestly never read anything like before. Your originality really moved me... I liked how realistic this piece was as well and the detail was fantastic. Well done and good luck.
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This had to of been the weirdest peom ever, but cool.lol. I liked it..
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this was a FUN PIECE and just a darn good/clever write but what happened to the fruity/tootty green+blue drinks? or were they hiding in the ladies room? thanks for sharing 'the drinks' regards zaj
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Amazing
You have created such a ride for your readers.It was humorous,fun and creative.
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This is a great poem.
You are a great poet.
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This contains so many colors that it looks like
a real keeper in time. I like the philosophy
that is hiding behind the book characters.
I love the form and the way it frolics
across the page with a narrative. It oozes
with confidence.
*Suggestion*
only suggestion I have is to change the enjamb to maybe an auxilary verb.
(and affect your sight so sin<-----
is not forgotton completely
(sort you shower out) - think you meant "sort YOUR shower out"
Wonderful writing here. Thank you!
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"a battle broke out
between Light and Bitter
it was a sight to see
glass-bottoms in the air
without shame but blame
on who had the biggest
and more masculine derriere"
Very funny images! Lots going on in this bar ... I'll be sure NOT to stop by! Good luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing this one!
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this is so good - although this is humorous...so many truthful points in this poem...a very creative, enjoyable poem
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This is a very amusing poem, I liked the fun tone but yet the rought truth.
very well written and the best of luck in the contest
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I really enjoyed the technique you used: your stanzas each started at a nice. humorous clip and then the pace slowed the way a horse slows when the reins are pulled back ... and just then you make a point ... or you introduce the next stanza.
this is a very funny way to introduce the stupidity of that whole scene as a creature of utter unimportance, but you do so gently and with such a feel for a light touch that I almost decided to have another shot of cranberry juice. an Alcoholic, I am familiar with all the nuances of the merry scene ... especially the one that always follows. The one you wake up who always looked better when you were drunk ... that's the one in the mirror.
good work. enjoyed this stroll down memory lane
Moqui says
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ha ha
funny write on the drinking bunch . . liked "as the bar boys ran amok" and "and affect your sight so sin is not forgotten completely" . . good luck in the contest
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Like this lots. Funny as all get out! Flyin fluck... (You went to the origin for this one didn't you?) Love your play on words too. At work now. Later. One.
Dez
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very good love your use of rhyme and it really put a smile on my face.
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he will make your
silly heads spin 'round
'til you wear a permanent grin
and give you an appetite
for food like a kebab
and affect your sight so sin
is not forgotton completely,
I know this GUY...LOL!
He was down at the gaslamp in San Diego just last weekend.
This sounds like my kind of contest..I must check it out, I'm sure the reads will be wonderful
Gotta love them Bar Boys!
much love,
Me
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Look what can happen when one drinks too much!!! LOL Liked the rhythm, rhyme and story you tell of the tales of drinking... Easy to read and understand, good flow and entertaining to boot!
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A high five from me, for writing such a humourous poem! An adventure into alcoholic madness. FUNNY!
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