You came a little damaged,
a little angry,
a little lonely,
and I was cold,
a front.
Not really there.
I remember
kissing you under
Jacksons,
then I went to find
the guy Id come with.
I remember
I put you in a shopping trolley
And pushed you round the carpark,
you didnt resist
just laughed,
your standard defense.
Later you said you cried
When I just
said 'see ya'
and
left you there.
I remember you
sitting against the white, sliding door
of my bedroom,
nervously swigging
on a bottle
of sickly green midori,
after everyone had left.
Your Kmart jeans with tags ripped off.
Your lean tall body
your unkempt dark hair,
a kind of angry shyness
about you,
a kind of
desperate
'I don’t need you'
'Help me'
In your eyes.
I was on my single bed
And I said
‘come
here’
Author notes
For the contest I guess this fits in to 1. starting a new relationship
For me it was happy, but i dont really write 'happy' with sunsets and roses.
for 8 options contest-option 2 -prewrite on love
A contest entry
- The Magical Feeling Has Begun by Angel Full Of Hurt.
788 points, ended March 2, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me Everything you've Got by CrystalJet.
600 points, ended March 14, 2008, 318 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest!! Please enter!! by With Broken Wings.
1200 points, ended March 15, 2008, 102 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - finding love by Hecate616.
350 points, ended March 17, 2008, 143 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OPTIONS! 8 OF THEM!!! by liduen.
600 points, ended March 21, 2008, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Wonderful. Great title, great ideas, great execution of those ideas. Good luck in my contest!
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clever write
keep this up...you write welll...you and many others who entered the contest.....really i tell you....make my contest HARD TO JUDGE!!!! GRRRR anyway YOU'RE GOOD!
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Oh. This is a sad little poem that you have going on in here. I was kind of surprised to see the author note about it being for a 'happy' kind of contest. It was really well written though because I felt like I was there with you two peeping in and a little voyeristic. lol I thought you did a really good job of expressing yourself here.
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Very nicely done one of those poetic efforts harvested from a gentleness of the spirit. Good Write. Happy trails
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i like the title for this piece. i also like the imagery here. especially the last few lines. nice job.
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Wow
I thought this was wonderful. I love this title, too. Great job!!
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cute poem. I like the last few lines. contradicting emotions in his eyes. love it. keep writing your good.
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So...the title pulled me in, I read the poem...and was pretty much completely impressed...great write.
I love the way you spaced things out, it really added to the storyline inside the poem. Great job
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Interesting title - lets one interpret the words in these lines as they see fit - help soothe the broken heart, or take advantage of a weak moment. Liked the flow and brevity of the lines,
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I loved the title.
This paints a nice visual.
I enjoyed reading. Thanks -
I clicked on this, seduced by the title, and was not disappointed. I like it very much. The write flows nicely, following the tentative moves of a new beginning. Particularly good - white, sliding door of my bedroom, and a kind of angry shyness. Title and final phrase make a nice circle.
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oh wow.
this, i think, is one of those poems which can easily be interpreted differently by any given person based on their past experiences and aquaintences.
it's wonderfully written.
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