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A chronic swerve of sweet lies slips towards
the bottle's curves; she's a high percentage
beauty that swings her psychological
profile in eyes that reduce her to drops.
I want to rip her tight head off and drink
from her neck's open, delightful disease,
severity slaps my trembling cheeks,
imagination gasps at the violence.

A wild alcoholic expression darts
from the face as withdrawal symptoms crash
against excessive dreams of consumption,
I impair my social ability,
progressively, and laugh insanity
across delicate organic damage.
Whatever the fuck I want I will steal.
Can you spare some change for this man deranged?

Visions of vodka whip wisps of whiskey
into a frenzy of fermentation,
rum and brandy dreams become volatile
while I intoxicate broken language.
Pungent odour rises from cracks in lips,
the hair of the dog barks for attention,
I think of wasted liver and onions
and grin like a fool in morbidity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

i n d i v i d u a l i t y
http://stores.lulu.com/chasingtheday

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 69 of 69

  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    1 day ago
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    Thank You for Your Entry ~

    Vividly brilliant; you raged on the screen with your ink to give a complete view of emotions and thoughts one endures as an alcoholic - dark in its raw intensity and honesty.

    Best of Luck
    Stay safe
    Manda


  • Mgreen
    November 25
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    Edit | Reply
    That was pure brillance ! Really felt like I was experiencing everything at once very trippy.


  • Ceroxity
    November 12

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    very awesome

    I really enjoyed reading this piece. I love the intelligance you used and the truth of it all. your a great writter I think i'll add you to my favorites list.


  • Max Alexandersson
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    This is SO pure. Pure with the alcohol neurotics and allmost robotic motion of an encyclopedic adventure turned upside down into forever, a refrigerator of morbidities.
    I get jealous and cry a little when I see poetry THIS good. Fuck all the others.
    excuse me.


  • The kiss is Thirst gold member
    October 25
    Edit | Reply

  • The kiss is Thirst gold member
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    Passionately grim. How do you create such beauty from such painful thoughts. The emotion here is so powerful. I admire you greatly for this piece.


  • spideracer gold member
    October 12

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    What can I say? Such powerful emotions, awesome imagery as per always and strong mesage within this truly amazing poem. ''Whatever the fuck I want I will steal.'' Great line as is every line here. You astound me with your writing abilities, such for this poet to aspire to. Keep writing and keep 'em' coming.


  • Mango Memories
    October 11
    Edit | Reply
    So far? My fav. read by you.


    Ever.


  • The Blue Lamp Post silver member
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    There is no doubt your hand is skilled with the written word and you describe this debilitating disease with all its ups and downs, faults and flaws.

    "I want to rip her tight head off and drink from her neck's open, delightful disease,"

    These lines are exceptional and truly passionate. A wonderful work - dark, earthy, heady ...

    Thank you for sharing. ~The Blue Lamp

    A Blue Lamp Spotlight 1


  • Rose Angel gold member
    September 24

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    Vivid imagery paints reality here...Indisputably you present a strong mood and message here in living colour...Best of luck in the contest.


  • rainboots
    September 24

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    Raw. Real. This was overwhelmed with emotion. The ending was Just right. You just don't know how to write a bad poem. I'm in aw of your writing ability. Thanks for entering.


  • Dariha
    September 23

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    perhaps not quite so effective at making anyone laugh their socks off, as the contest title asks (unless they are sadistic socks)... but what cannot be ignored is the raw talent and ability that is sitting behind the pen (or keyboard) - there is a wonderfully rich vocabulary here, with a strong theme that doesn't falter. I love the assonance in the final stanza, and i've forgotten the technical term for it - for what you've done with 'hair of the dog' and 'wasted liver'. That certainly did draw a wry smile from me, but i can't say i laughed


  • mgmc gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    Very powerfully written. Extremely intense as you intended it. The imagery is wonderful. It feels painful yet in the midst of it you produce beautifully written poetry. Sending you wishes for happier moments. Your inspirational writing is needed. Please don't disappear.


  • TwoTimeSurvivor
    September 1

    Edit | Reply
    Again... not really what I wanted from the entries, but a good poem again. I like the imagery of the slapping of the cheeks. sometimes there is nothing more satisfying then giving someone a slap


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    August 30

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    I am lacking words, for once in my life. You are a fabulous poet and you just gave me a reality check, you're human just like me. I saw snippets of myself and past battles in between the lines of this cry for help. Sadly it's usually the person we don't want to help us who is the only one who can. Ourselves. If you ever want to natter away, pop on over to my page. I have a good set of ears you know (there are parts of me that aren't broken lol) It takes courage and a want for change to put something like this on display for the world to see. And we see.... Outstanding piece in itself. xx


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing! You really are have a troubled time. Your thoughts and emotions here are so strong.
    I do hope you return soon because I miss you already
    Stay safe my dear friend and much love


  • Net
    August 26

    Edit | Reply

    This is so powerful!

    This was so forceful like a stab in the heart. A wake up call, a reminder that addiction rips its victims to shreds. I wish I had found this poem sooner!

    It lashes at the page with such passion and screams to the reader "look".

    I absolutely applaud you for this. You truly are an amazing man

    Much Respect


  • Isolatedsouls17
    August 21

    Edit | Reply
    well..this sounds like a Todd version of murder and blood..
    I like it..although it does not rhyme..I thank for entering

    great write


  • Sky Princess
    July 28
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    Awsome poem!!!
    Fantastic!! Amazing!!!
    You write amazing poems!!!


  • hisaddiction
    July 22

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    ah I'm so happy to read something that isn't ridiculous. Like a dumb ass would have the nerve to post. Sorry Indi, I just hate stupidness. But I love this.


  • islekine gold member
    July 21

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    LOL

    Wasted...liver and onions...cracked me up!
    Whole thing is great!
    Best wishes in the contest and always!

    and


  • WuzGood
    July 21
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    Nice, I like the imagery, not all about Bud but its good!! I like it, thanks and good luck!!!!


  • ShanaLynnMcCracken
    July 11

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    wow. i especially love the damaged live n onions bit. very clever. ur vocab usage is highly intoxicating.


  • xxuglyducklingxx
    July 10

    Edit | Reply

    An Amazing Write.

    This was an amazing write. Brilliant penning. I was blown away by the beauty, truth, and sadness in this piece. The emotion was so suffocating, but that only made it all the more enticing. What prompt number did you choose? Grr. -lol-. anyways Amazing write.


  • Wolffan
    July 5

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    Everything about it was great.
    It really did blow my mind.
    Beatifully done, well written.
    Loved it.
    Good luck. (:


  • white stone
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    I got so drunk on whiskey the other day that in the morning I had sheets and sheets of completely illegible poetry. I bet it was good stuff...
    Anyway, I'm glad I haven't had to go through withdrawal in a while. I'm grateful for that. Love the alliteration.


  • ladylyric
    June 29
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    I Really dug the imagery you used here. Great write..thank u for entering.

  • mark dohle
    June 19

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    Primitive, I like it very much, very real and for me painful. I have family members who have serious problems with addictions.


  • Discoveria
    June 18

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    Just randomly browsing... I very much enjoyed reading this one. Excellent use of language and I liked the personification in the first stanza. Very clever.


  • Truetome
    June 7

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    gets us every time... addiction. powerfully written. this poem sure reminds us ::: of our 'places' :::


  • Poetess12
    June 4

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    Your poem is well written. I like the word use in describing an alcoholic addiction.
    Thank you for your entry


  • Guerrero
    May 28

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    interesting.. this is a hard type of self harm to deal with., they dont really realize it most of the time. but its definatly there. great job


  • TheLyricsArePoetry gold member
    May 28

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    even in pure honesty your words are underlined with beauty. i share something with you here many would not understand. a truthful, yet fragile poem. good luck in the contest, my sweet friend xx


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    This piece shares some of the same qualities as the work of Dylan Thomas. It is painfully beautiful and hauntingly honest. Precise in your vocabulary, you create the wreckage of a life in transition.
    My mother is an alcoholic and I spent many years wrapped in the same hazy embrace so I identify well with the seduction in the first stanza in particular. The singular way that you have created almost a feminine form, complete with siren song, is just....perfectly done.

    Very nice. An exemplary way to begin my contest. Thank you for your entry and best of luck in the contest!

    - BeanSidhe


  • Mariana gold member
    May 25

    Edit | Reply
    I applaud you for your honesty Ian.

    Mariana  


  • OnlyOneLifeToLive
    May 21
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    Please put the titles of both poems you entered so that I can compare the two. Thanks


  • Beauty Of Silence
    May 12
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    "Visions of vodka whip wisps of whiskey" that line was like a tongue twister! hehe

    anyhoo, this was really descriptive. the words you used were so wild, and i the vocab here was really powerful. it sent images shooting in and outta my head. this is a nice personal write, thanks for the entry


  • Deceits Tears silver member
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    The wording to this piece is so very powerful, I was married to a drunk and i can see him in this write.
    Riveting piece you have penned here,
    Thankyou for your entry


  • Mariana gold member
    April 29
    Edit | Reply
    Your poetic voice shines once again.

    Mariana  


  • Budart
    April 27

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    A very rich voluptuous read. Lots of creative images, Lots of passion. More in the style of Dylan Thomas, I think. (he was also famously alcoholic also) than Bukowski.

    Thanks for entering my contest.
    Good Luck


  • ams525
    April 23
    Edit | Reply
    AMAZING!
    your descriptive language! fantastic!

    my favorite parts

    from the face as withdrawal symptoms crash
    against excessive dreams of consumption,
    I impair my social ability,


    Whatever the fuck I want I will steal.
    Can you spare some change for this man deranged?


    Visions of vodka whip wisps of whiskey
    into a frenzy of fermentation,

    loved it


  • Draig aine gold member
    April 19

    Edit | Reply

    Awestruck as usual

    ripping the head off, hm think I understand that, or have watched it, your words just fly off  the page, the last stanza
    is visceral, you intoxicate with your word as they slide smoothly down my throat
    grin


  • Dlvvanzor
    April 18
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    I loved the language and imagry you used. Great write!

    Thanks for entering!
    -Dlvvanzor


  • Desdmona
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is deep and dark. It's saddening too but well penned. Thank you for your entry so good job and good luck!


  • MichaelSavage gold member
    March 19
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    A gem. Another Edgar Allen Poe. They say that poets are insane. Great job.

  • kistoclou
    March 14
    Edit | Reply

    oops

    forgot these

  • kistoclou
    March 14

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    My actuall comment

    Okay this was an amazing piece. (I checked your profile and didn't see any trophies, so I'm guessing you have them blocked but IDK) I don't know how you haven't won anything with this poem yet. Very well written, obvious time spent on it. And it flowed very amazingly. funny, sad, with a dash of irony. (well in my opinion at least) very nice.

  • kistoclou
    March 14
    Edit | Reply

    Before I actually comment

    before I comment on this piece be honest with me. How many trophies have you won with this?


  • Melodies
    September 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hello again and this time I brought a lemon pudding cake. It will go well with whatever else you are having.

  • Melodies
    August 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    All of your poems have a crowd assembled, applauding. I think I've been to this one before, but that's ok because your poems should be studied and thought through a few times and appreciated deeply. I am your forever fan and friend and I miss you.


  • catz Moderators member
    August 4, 2008
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    A very visual, explicit poem, Ian. I never cease to be amazed at your powerdul use of words. Though I've never had a desire to become a serious drinker, this piece makes me feel that maybe I'm missing something.
    ... You be careful, though


    Dee


  • Room without doors gold member
    August 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding.

    This is easily the best poem I've read today and I've read quite a few. What stands out is the intensity with which you confront language and mould it at your will. You are not afraid to express your feelings even while they are shocking. This is a great poem that makes me want to get out there and get drunk. Fantastic to read.

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A watertight piece of poetry ( no double entendre intended) not a superfluos word within either of the three stanzas, which may each stand alone yet work as a trinity. The language is intense, it almost macerates, as the poet reveals the duality of having such a wanton mistress, she who must be obeyed and compells that all her fire is swallowed. Particularly liked " the hair of the dog barking for attention" and " I think of wasted liver and onions" especially, the liver being the liver ravaged by her consumption and the onions the multi-layered tear making orbital like vegetable. Not all alcoholics are able to exorcise the weight in words of their addiction that is bottle necked but you show and tell the reader how heavy the weight is. Bravo. I like my liver and onions with creamy mash and lashings of thick gravy btw


  • willowprincess
    August 2, 2008
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    wow. intense. you took something so ugly and personified it so beautifully. bravo!


  • Kazytc
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful and Deep!

    Powerful and Deep would be an understatement! Intense and pehnomenally powerul is more thee mark to review this fine work of poetic art and fine sculpting. Phenomally powerful graphics and delivery and captivating right the way through, fabulous read and so emotive and thought provoking. Bravo, well penned! Love it!
    Poetic Hugs,
    Kaz.
    Kazytc xx
    Ps: Thanks millions for your kind and valued comment on my poem and I am so glad you enjoyed it!


  • frecklez
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. This was magnificent. I have never viewed drinking and alcoholism in such a jovial light. This was magnificent, morbid, and delightful to read. It was, in short, phenomenal.


  • anna3
    July 16, 2008
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    great

    All madnesses are sometimes the only way to feel your life to the fullest unfortunatelly we need them from time to time

  • Melodies
    July 14, 2008
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    This poem deserves another awestruck comment from me, fine Sir. I am standing in front of it and as I read it, my clothes all turn to dust and I am caught up in a whirlwind.

    I wish I could clap again and again.


  • Gayle Grace
    July 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow.


  • Swan song gold member
    April 25, 2008
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    Yep!!! I have been there esp the rip her head off part lol Well done poet this was awesome!!!!!


  • 2lullabyhaven
    April 14, 2008
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    This said it all - didn't it? good luck in the contestlol

  • tara wilson gold member
    March 20, 2008
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    excellent personification....


  • Elenaliz
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is amazing!i love it,i love the style,i love the content.you describe somthing so ugly,so beautifully.i has an feel.to me its perfect.i read it twice.the first stanza is platinum,it sucks you in.ive never read anything like this.i definatley have to check out your other stuff.
    imagination gasps at the violence.
    i freakin love it!
    you obviously have an amazing talent.you know it!


  • infernalxfidelity
    March 4, 2008
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    this is fantastic. it was almost scary. i loved it.

    good luck!

    ~S-H-O


  • cheaphotelsign
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this did a 180 with my psyche somewhere around the middle...incredible. so many fantastic lines, unmistakable....with an excellent title.


  • aliceramone
    February 18, 2008

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    "grin like a fool in morbidity"_i can relate...great metaphors here with a killer alcoholic flow...love "intoxicate broken language"=masterful!


  • madamcb
    February 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is exceptional. not over done with metaphors.so much reality. thanx so much for this wonderful poem. conni

  • Melodies
    February 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your excellent poem has made a light turn on in my head... about how alcohol might speak and what it might say if that could be. You have built an amazing poem here.


  • elemental angel
    February 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely flipping amazing, Brilliant Imagery,
    Brilliant you really are a master poet, [By the way make mine a double lol.]
    Bravo

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