Say goodbye to this winter city, darling;
the blue edges are diluted with smoke,
your red mouth, your ragged finger nubs.
Don't turn away-- these skyscrapers
are drifting apart and diffusing
for the last time. I'd like to say
we'll miss them,
but
two weeks ago, we filled a rooftop
with potted plants, just to show the concrete
what a real jungle was like.
All the leaves died in an hour.
And yesterday, your eyes forgot
how to find the sky and bled out,
green to gray.
So give your regards. We don't belong here
anymore. Maybe we never did.
A contest entry
- Be Original, more points to come by katie-jo.
700 points, ended March 15, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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So depressing but it's wonderfully well done. You used so much detail and imagery to show me a story-and how it will end.
Thanks for entering and all the best in the contest. -
oh. This was such a downer. I really liked the cold feel that was iced over this, it was all yesterdays and cities and winters and memories and goodbyes. I just really dug how you like...put so many past words in it? It made it very looking back on a storm-y.
"these skyscrapers
are drifting apart and diffusing
for the last time."
That was so pretty to me, all these giant gray strangers just turning to mist. Fabulous<3.
Gotta move on♥love it.
xox<3
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This poem was based around that mental image-- skyscrapers disappearing into mist as you drive away from it-- so I'm glad that turned out well. I was going for a distressed and cold and distant feel. Sounds like that got across, as well.
Thanks for the comment, I appreciate it =)
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