Facedown, crying in a puddle
Salting the earth with unfolding history.
Insects cling to the stringy tassels of disheveled hair
Lifeless as I am.
Mud in my ears, lightning in the sky
Drowning… the sounds of thunder.
The water level is rising, and I don’t care, content with a watery grave
Not gasping for air.
Things could change… on the surface
But the will to fight isn’t there.
I now prefer the sound of deafening silence, like a carrion without a eulogy; a vision of Egyptian Horus mistook by the Greeks and thee.
Frightened child there in the mud, a finger to his lip with soulful look…
descending.
It’s now or never and I lack the strength to burrow into the ground, I scream to him for help, but not a single sound.
So I slam my fists into the mire, and lift my body, like a suction cup in the muck; then purge feculence with brutal upheaval.
.
.
.
The rain stops, and so do I
Breathe
Uncomfortably
Collapsing back into putrescence, coughing up mud bubbles in my esophagus; I am consumed with emptiness, my feelings opaque…
…with the emotion…
…every dove, leaves in its wake.
By: Jaye Eryk
Copyright 2008
Non-monosyllabic comments welcomed
Comments
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absolutely amazing imagery. You are definately a master of words
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Wow, this was strongly written. The last three lines hit home wonderfully. I'm very glad you decided to enter this beautiful poem. Thank you!
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woh-ah!! this one is so damn descriptive! sent chills down my spine, for not only could i feel this, but i saw it...totally eerie!!!
it's funny, that i read this today, because just yesterday i was making a poem in my head (that i never wrote) about drowing, but not splashing around; i was letting myself sink to the bottom of the abyss. this was a very similar feeling, and then some. 'cause i could never do it nearly as good as you do.
w/the accumulation of all your poems, you have created a cemetary! always a grave. a phsyical grave, and a grave situation.
*R
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Is it weird that this reminds me of Labyrinth? As in, the 1986 movie involving David Bowie and a pair of very tight pants?
Yeah, okay, it is weird. But this is really well-written, I love it.
[stay sick']
xx Sin -
you are the god of all words. I swear you may quite possibly be the one to take over the world.. well maybe not quite, but i really do like this write, alot. the imagery literally sucked me in to the setting of this poem an didnt let me go until the last punctuation point. fuck i love you and i really wish i could find something better to say to you, sorrryyy. keep it up, you rock my world.
p.s loveee the form, just the cherry on top of an amazing poem.
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Very Vivid Vocab Brother,
Another deep piece that you have penned within with much pang. No doubt it is hard for you day to day, not to mention each moment in deep thought. I think there's a place in poetry for you.. One that places among the greats. For you spew honest and true. No matter the topic. Thanks for showing us what you're made of. Pen on poet!
Bro Tim
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aint that the truth, Tim!!!!!!!???
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I love your style. It's really interesting to see all the different styles people have on AP, but yours is really unique. Not just any ol' unique, its...indescribable
The emotions are so vivid and clear, and every single word is absolutely wonderful. Thanks for entering!
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Have you ever seen the terminator? In the beginning when he's naked and he gets up from being curled in a ball. Well that's what this made me think of. Cause this man is just broken and bare from inside his heart and soul to the outside of his body. I hope I'm making sense because I don't think I am! YAY! Go me.
Oh and I also loved how you wrote the first stanza, it was amazing I had never thought of that before how tears were unfolding history. I liked that!
" I scream to him for help, but not a single sound." And that part, I can relate to that a lot.
Great poem as usual! I love it when you post your poems! ( =
I'm always here for you!
<3
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A watery grave for the barely alive...certainly this is not living, nor is it death...it hovers in between.
consumed with emptiness, my feelings opaque...with emotion
If you only knew how clear they are, perhaps not the true meaning of what you write, but the feeling is there, and it is felt in the undercurrent. Sometimes a bit too much.
Another pensive, dark offering...your ability to convey such pain and lonliness is profound, great writing...
~B.
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Your poems are like art the way they are typed. this painted a picture yes, but the feeling it painted was much more vivid. it's emotionally breathtaking. i wish i could write this way. if you actually feel the way you write, i feel sorry for you.
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And you do it again...:)
The title...is it a clever play on the movie Pan's Labyrinth? Let me know.
Jesus--the first lines already have captured my interest.
"Facedown, crying in a puddle
Salting the earth with unfolding history."
How you manage to perfectly create vulnerability in your poems like this I will never understand...but it's great. The use of the word 'facedown' and the phrase 'unfolding history' were particularly awesome.
"content with a watery grave
Not gasping for air."
Wow. Definitely my favorite part of the poem. Plus, it poetically defines just how much you want death. Again, you make death seem almost glamorous (in a really drown-y way, of course...haha).
"Things could change… on the surface
But the will to fight isn’t there."
You don't usually rhyme in your poems, but I wasn't sure whether 'there' was intended to rhyme w. 'air' or not...either way, it was nice.
"like a carrion without a eulogy"
Have I ever read a poem w/o wondering what a certain word/phrase/reference meant? I can't honestly remember...but w/e a carrion is, I really like this line because I DO know what a eulogy is...(so that's one point for the dumb ass: me) =P Okay...I'll stop w. the emoticons...promise!
"The rain stops, and so do I"
Nice comparison.
"leaves in its wake."
Normally I'd say this sounds cliched in a poem (but okay in a story), but somehow, I don't know how, but you make even unoriginal phrases seem original...
UPDATE: I know what a carrion is now...your use of it intrigued me enough to dictionary.com/. Great word choice man.
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