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the crisp butterflies




heat
comes from
your face, your lips

radiation
of ultra-violet
personality performances

running in my mouth
moistening chapped lips

my frozen tongue
thaws
& I am swift, move quick

but looking into those
volcanic eyes
lava boils tastebuds

stories turn into sentences
sentences into words
words into bland alphabet stew

& soup heals every sickness
but Nerve syndrome

{ I need your flavour }

















Author notes

So, I'll regret even writing this in the morning, but it was worth a try


A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21
  • in-the-twilight
    February 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Why would you regret writing this in the morning? I don't understand that! Ryan this is amazing... very sensual and (slightly suggestive) but it's beautiful! Loved it! xoxo Meg


  • Tangled Angle
    February 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    9.4

    I really like how you captured the sensual aspect of this. Really clever and concise. I dig it.


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    February 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    also word of advice, if i were you i would stop dating girls that shot lava from their eyes it never ends well

  • Disturbed Prodigy
    February 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i hate soup, stew is more my flavor, but i like it, you did a great job on this, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest.


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    February 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    L2 "it" removing it wouldnt change the meaning, but makes it sound better.
    "&" - poetically "and" is better and looks less lazy.

    Content, as always, is excellent.


    • Ryno
      February 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Laura
      Awww I like amperstands

      • Laura Lamarca gold member
        February 17, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        I got told off for being lazy when I used them and in all honesty, I was being lazy So, I'm just passing on valuable information You know me...ever the nurturer (It's Tyler's fault )


        • Ryno
          February 17, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          We shall bombard Tyler then


          • Laura Lamarca gold member
            February 17, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            That should be fun


            • Ryno
              February 17, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              I've always secretedly want to see him run away from a million verbal explosives


              • Laura Lamarca gold member
                February 17, 2008
                Edit | Reply
                he wouldn't run, he'd simply muster a million repletives of retaliation and drown us all in word soup


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    February 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good One

    As always bro you cease to amaze me with yuor words in poems that requite promts themes ect. hell look who is tlakin I just posted 4 10 worded poems for 4 prompot contests haha but any ways I like this poem alot. it has class style and is really well written. any ways very much enjoyed reaidng this poem and keep up the very nice work good luck with the contest


  • layla.
    February 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    niice, kid! "I am swift, move quick" this is cute and weird. good luck. i liked the clever word choice and the alliteration.


  • wakingdevil
    February 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this piece, it had a nice flow to it with some good metaphors and imagery.A thing that could possibly enhance the write would be the use of punctuation at strategic points, other than that wonderful.Best of luck in the contest


    • Ryno
      February 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank-you for your comment ... its hard to break old habbits


  • N e a r
    February 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This is superb, Ryno.
    You have talent... and a good size of it, too.
    Who cares if you're not gold? Your name stands out amongst the crowed even w/o the badge.
    This is gold worthy, though, and a winner in my eyes.
    Excellent penning!

    M a r l u x i a


    • Ryno
      February 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Awe, why thank-you for the very kind words

1 - 21 of 21