I-The Observer by cherche -d -ame at All poetry

a front row seat was granted

yesterday-at this event ;

a funeral they call it,

a casket and a vault to seal it in;

[a final resting place for a body]

the vessel that carried our soul

and then becomes but an empty shell,

eight pall bearers,

one in front-one in the back

and three on each side;

dry-eyed and staring straight ahead;

-two of them were your sons-

it was them I watched,

it was them I worried about,

it is them I care about,

and I will do so until it is time for me

to take my final breath;

and I hope that I can bring back the light,

the life in their eyes;

I will finish the job

[the one I had hoped you would]

at least in your final days-when you could still speak,

three little words do not take much effort,

but maybe you just did not want to lie;

in those final days when you were still able to hug,

to put an arm across their shoulders,

but maybe once again you did not want to lie;

so they never heard " I love you'

they never heard " I am sorry"

and they never felt the loving arms of a mother,

across their now broad shoulders;

I hope those shoulders are broad enough to shelter their hearts;

I hope they will be able to forgive,

but I don't think they will ever be able to forget;

your death was your destiny,

-and as this observer yesterday-

I can't but always wonder

-if your life was their tragedy-

R.I P.

Author notes

some that might read this will know that of which I speak and understand the bitterness. To all others who might question the coldness of this----at this moment that is the feeling within me. But I know that eventually it will go away [especially since I was able to put it into words] I do not really know if this falls into "poetry category" it is more like a journal entry, so please do not critique it from that point of view. I appreciate your thoughtfulness, thank you.....

In a list

imminent death and things left unsaid • next in list

Comments

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Lady Voldemort
May 31, 2008

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what a shame. This is amazingly well-written. I pictured it all.. more the feelings than the physical descriptions, though. Well done.

MORSMORDRE!
- The Dark Lady
MargaretG
February 20, 2008

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Unanswered
A death like this leaves a lot of things unfinished. I am grateful for the grace which allowed my father in law to tie up the loose ends and make peace with everyone before he died. Perhaps his widow was the exception, it took five years for her to resume an energetic life.
I appreciate your care for your husband and his brother, you will do what you can to ease their hearts. It is too bad that she could not.
Thank you for visiting me today.
sandgoddess
February 19, 2008

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Reenie,

This is very powerful. There is no 'coldness' but realism, maybe a sort of detachment that many people experience in front of somebody's death, ESPECIALLY at funerals.

There is in fact a lot of feeling in wonderful lines like:

"it was them I watched,
it was them I worried about,
it is them I care about,"

and

"I hope those shoulders are broad enough to shelter their hearts;"

these are lines filled with caring and love and they serve the poem well in a stark juxtaposition with the diseased woman.

A compelling read!

Love,
rachel
- cherche -d -ame
  February 19, 2008
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  thank you sweet Rachel. DETACHMENT is the correct word....and that detachment has yet to go away and unfortunately I do not think it will. Of course it is not towards those left behind....there I find myself at a loss for words of comfort, but I am sure they can feel it,
  much love
  xoxoxo
  reenie
tomisb
February 16, 2008

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Perhaps, more done by comeing to an end. Now, so much held in abeyance set free to begin. Depends on how free the mind is of the voice that preyed upon it for so long. It took me a while to stop hearing my father tear down and diminish my every accomplishment.
Be everything that you are. It is time for a countervailing wind.
Love, Tom B.
- cherche -d -ame
  February 17, 2008
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  my dear friend, thank you for your words. They resonate with the hope of the future, and I have always built my castles on just that [hope and the future]and I know I will keep doing so always. But my fear this time lies in exactly that which haunted you for so long....not for myself, but mostly for my "other" Tom . That voice has been within him forever , even long before her death...I knew it, I saw it....and often I heard him speak the words out loud "Nothing I ever do.............." And it breaks my heart [for it is him that made sure she was well taken care off here at our place] and even then there was still criticism and he always took it with one exception....when said criticism was directed at me. But I will keep the hope for him as well......and that he realises he stands 10 ft tall in the eyes of those that now count.
  thanks again , and may those winds gently touch you as well...in ALL ...in EVERYTHING,
  much love
  xoxoxoxo
  reenie
Timothy Cameron
February 16, 2008

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Sometimes I so don't belong here, that my soul hs at times wanted to puke up this body. But the way others have treated me can't be my measure of life. My shoulders have never been broud enough to shelter my heart. That's why I don't feel like I belong on this earth sometimes. But then there are times when I see the spark of recognition in the eyes of another sensitive soul...it says, "I am not alone." Mother Thersa said we should find someone that feels alone and persuade them that they are not alone. That is one of the gifts of gifts. That's my "comment." Hope it's appropriate.
Peace Love Hugs
imothy
- cherche -d -ame
  February 17, 2008
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  Tim , my friend....your words are very appropriate and I thank you for them. And please know always that you DO belong here [it is therefore that you are] Without people like you this world would be so much of a "poorer and uglier place". Maybe that is your real mission....to simply BE and show others that not all in this place we call life is cruel, self serving and calculating. It is a hard calling for you , but it is that from which many others draw their Hope. Mother Theresa's words are those that she lived herself. What a gift she was to so many [too many to count]yet every single one of those counted on her.
  I wish you Love, Peace and mostly the recognition by yourself that you do "belong"
  much love
  xoxoxoxo
  reenie
SpiritMother
February 16, 2008

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Well said! Too many times, we hold all inside to look strong for others but in reality, we are the ones that need closure. My thoughts and prayers are with you!
- cherche -d -ame
  February 17, 2008
  
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  thank you so much for that caring and ever so insightful comment, as well as for the warm thoughts and prayers,
  z
  reenie
Mark Rickerby
February 16, 2008

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I don't think this poem is cold at all. It's just real, powerful and true - how you saw it without the "safe" editor - which is where all great writing comes from. Sorry for your loss, and that of her sons. They're lucky to have you. I'm sure you'll be a healing influence in their lives. Painful writing, my friend, but wise, and your beautiful heart shines on every word, as always.

Mark Rickerby
- cherche -d -ame
  February 17, 2008
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  Mark, thank you. Yes , these were definitely words without the "safety" of editor. It seemed as if I was almost spewing them out from somewhere deep inside....which in turn created a mixed feeling within myself [for I never thought myself capable of such resentment]and hopefully just writing them down like this will get rid of some of it for myself. I do hope that I can play just a little part in their healing process [but the dammage has been done for so long and lies so deep] that I almost feel as if it would take a magic surgical scalpel to just remove it as one removes an appendix<------another something that we can live without. I have often compared there pain to an appendix [for if it is not a necessity-----why were we givenn it]?
  Your words humble me and I hope I can live up to them.
  Thanks again my friend,
  z
  reenie
JohnnyD
February 16, 2008

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Peace be to you at this time Reenie, as this too shall pass. And, as the future is uncertain, so is the past, as down the road you will observe it from a slightly differing perspective as the good memories subdue the pain of the prior moment. and as for it not being in the poetry catagory? Balderdash! This is true poetry for it is crafted of the heart, of angst, of love, of admiration and memories.....if this is not poetry than nothing is. and marveously put to pen as well.

Len
- cherche -d -ame
  February 17, 2008
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  thank you my dear friend. I know it shall pass [for me anyway]. My hope lies in that those that are and always have been affected will be able to let go and heal as well. Unfortunately there are "very FEW" if any good memories to draw on or from. It will have to be a completely new beginning . It will have to be one of these pasts that will have to be erased from the mind [a pretense that it never was] And being that we seem to be in touch with so many other "pasts" I do wonder if that will ever be possible. But maybe Grace is kind , and just as we remember , we can always also forget if absolutely need be?
  thanks again for your encouraging words, thank you for reading and commenting and thank you for "being"and always understanding,
  much love
  xoxoxoxo
  reenie