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Her Penthouse View

With pulses of strength
The ladybug struggles
As ebon legs press on
Her scarlet wings tremble
As she makes her way
To the top of the blade
Using her antennas
She senses the edge
Symbolizing her grave success
She has made it
Now resting her weary body
She enjoys the summer breeze
And the splendid view
From atop her emerald tower

Author notes

Prompt: Picture Inspired quickie-- lady bug climbing blade of grass

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • bird at rose
    February 25, 2008

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    Really enjoyed reading this

    First of all, your title is cute and it describes a private yet open, temporary house for the ladybug to sit on. Every line of this was detailed in a captivating way, and you've started off smart in, "With pulses of strength The ladybug struggles." It was effective for me because you went directly to why this insect isn't having the most easy of times, then you told the public to make sure it's clear.

    This, "As ebon legs press on," made me laugh. You are sure to know how to dig deep in the action, opposite the simplicity your author notes had explained. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with them, but it's not hard for you to see the differences between poetry and the typical, at least here.

    My favorite part is the imagery in lines 7-9, because after all that effort on a skinny, bendable piece of grass instinct can't feel any more to go. Then, she can stop be at "Her Penthouse View" lol. Even a little bug can wobble, not always stable! I appreciate how you said, "Symbolizing her grave success," it is heavy and also an oxymoron metaphor that she's about ready to fall off, yet she's at a comfortable spot. "Now resting her weary body" really makes sense with the topic/picture now as well.

    I felt a relief of sweetness in the last couplet, and what a nice view of an "emerald tower" lol, like that mode.

    Hope this is the review that is settling,
    SplishSplashPencil


  • Angel Wings1960
    February 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is so cute, A blade of grass to a ladybug is like climbing the Sears Tower here in Chicago


  • pappacass
    February 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    this was good

    i really enjoyed this read...bravo


  • Lady Australis silver member
    February 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    pretty!!
    this is really cute sweety
    i like it
    goodluck
    i love you


  • marciakay81
    February 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wonderful

    very well done...descriptive and inspiring.

1 - 6 of 6