I cannot say I grew up well - in a good home or a good family,
and I can't say I grew up wise - for the stress and apathy
has given me so many self esteem complexes that i'm so very co-dependent.
Nor can I say I grew up wise,
even though all my experiences have aged me far beyond my physical years.
My past haunts me, defines every outline of my being
and the mistakes that mother made... I seem to be repeating.
Stress builds up day by day, I try to hide it all but
dammit it can get so hard.
I always ask why - why, Brittany? Why these choices?
and I always get the same answer;
They just... are.
I've always thought myself as a giving person
but recent occurences lead me to believe the total opposite
I doubt myself on a daily basis
when I look in the mirror... I detest what I see.
Mainly because my eyes aren't the only ones staring back at me -
my step-father is always there, looming in the background,
and he glares at me with such disdain
makes me feel dirty
worthless
ashamed.
On the outside,
I'm such a proud person -
so confident and full of life
so happy and cheery; always a smile on my face
but little do half the people know
I give into all these temptations.
My scotch glass seems to always be empty
even though I've just filled it quite a few times before.
My vision constantly blurred,
my lungs getting worse and worse by the day.
All these damned confrontations
just get the best of me,
I'm afraid,
and when I ask myself why, well...
It just is...
It just is.
Author notes
I think it may seem like a weak write but... I really put my heart and soul into this one.
In a list
A contest entry
- 35 Confessions by Heart Sutra.
2200 points, ended February 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I like Scotch too, it inspires me LOL.
But hun you know whats wrong sounds to me like you have had one hell of a childhood.
And people around you because of their misgivings and faults, and failures have put them all onto your shoulders.
Blaming you for everything.
Hun don't be the scape goat anymore just because of others being weak.
Your beautiful inside ok?
And don't let anyone say any different!
They prey on you because you are young and vulnerable.
Let them fight with someone as big as themselves, cowards!
Hun don't let them bring you down.
Look into that mirror and see what I see, a strong lady, who knows much better about herself.
I wrote a poem once a love poem, part of it reminds me of you.
The bit where it says, others wish her to them within their drunken dreams, but is only her beauty they see.
Glad am I that they cannot see the beauty that is within.
For her heart lies within a pool of tears.
And i am drowning within it.
Swim your little heart out hun.
Stand up and fight.
Don't let anyone take your self esteem away.
Just because they lost theirs.
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Thank you for sharing your poetry with the contest. I appreciate your emotional content and depth.
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