She stiffens at the rise of a hand,
at the sounds of hate,
She cries her silent tears,
pain never to abate.
He drinks away his sobriety,
losing himself within his lies,
he yells, and attacks her,
and he hardly cares why.
She wipes the blood from her mouth,
crawling away from him,
he stomps over to her,
he begins to hit again.
He hears her screams of pain,
yet he does not care,
he chokes the life from her lungs,
he pulls out her hair.
She can see the bruises,
they cover half the exposed skin,
he is finished for the night but,
he expects her to sleep with him.
He stumbles drunkenly off to bed,
thoroughly pleased with himself,
she crawls beside him, weak with fear,
this is her nightmarish hell.
Author notes
"Neon" pkay, option number six. Hope this is something you wanted.
- abuse victims and survivors and all ag group list • next in list
A contest entry
- CONTEST: Looking for poems, That will make me say: OMG! This is awesome! 810 points by echo-ink.
600 points, ended July 15, 2008, 58 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your favorite Prewrite by SignifyingNothing.
875 points, ended August 9, 2008, 112 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those greenies into Gold (or silver or bronze) pt 5 by whispernthedark.
660 points, ended September 20, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Two entries. All prewrite. by morgana raven.
400 points, ended February 23, 123 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Second Annual April is Abuse Awearness Month. by FallenFromGrace1102.
1000 points, ended May 10, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? Anything I can work on?
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Wow. This is a heart-wrenching piece. You portray this chaotic and painful situation in an aggravatingly detailed manner - to the point where I let out a sigh of relief after I got to scroll down the page. The fact that the poem is unresolved also leaves a lot of suspense in the mind of the reader.
Very powerful. -
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Thank you for your wonderful comment.
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Heart wrenchingly painful write. keep up the beautiful work though. I loved this, I wish you the best ofluck in my contest and thank you for entering this piece. I really liked the lines:
"She can see the bruises,
they cover half the exposed skin,
he is finished for the night but,
he expects her to sleep with him."
*~*bee*~* -
what has the world come to?
The realization that spousal abuse is a dilemma that has stricken humanity since the creation of man. If one reads this work it is obvious that the combatant is delusional, maybe due to the effects of alcohol having such a strong hold on and individuals judgment. Do not take this in the wrong way but I believe that there can be a lot more to this poem. The ending seem so abrupt . I truly wanted more to happen. Everything else was great it remained simple allowing your audience to understand exactly what the struggle was and that a great thing. I just fell that there is a lot of pain and there no equilibrium to balance the actions of these two who are struggling. Not every work is ever finished; it can be used as a foundation to create something of grandeur.
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I love it. I like to write abusive poetry. My poem "Bloody Masterpiece" is definitely my favorite of my own work. If you like to write things like this you might like to read that
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Superb!
You words paint a portrait of this woman. Sad, alone, hurting, afraid and yet bound to this man who abuses her so often.
My favorite line is he expects her to sleep with him.
I think this encompasses his lack of regret or perhaps his feeling of vindication that somehow she deserved it...
You have terrific talent at giving the reader a character to empathize with.
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I'm biased, but...
outside my blinding anger at the very subject matter, I liked the piece. Steady flow without rhymes. I like to see if you could keep that steadiness with rhymes. That's not because rhymes are amazing, but rather they could really bind the piece into a huge fist of meaning. If this doesn't help sorry... I did this will partially exhausted. -
Frightfully true, You have captured the horror with your words, I can relate because I too have gone though it. So afraid to live, thankx for sharing your talented piece take care
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Fave parts were "He hears her screams of pain,
yet he does not care,
he chokes the life from her lungs,
he pulls out her hair.
She can see the bruises,
they cover half the exposed skin,
he is finished for the night but,
he expects her to sleep with him."
The whole thing was bloody brilliant but that set of stanzas just stood out to me and duid the piece a greatness...lol. I felt the emotion behind this and could picture what you depicted here due to the vivid imagery and words chosen to display/convey this stuff. You are very talented. Thanks for such a great share. best wishes. -
Great Poem
This poem really gets to me.
I think its a very good write.......and it may help people see what others go through. I understand it completely because I have been in a similar situation. Great Poem -
I agree with your author notes. Very well written. I thought this part was especially poetic: "He drinks away his sobriety,"
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is it Real
, so painful , beaten by a drunk husband, aww, im just thinking and feleing so awful .
anyway good write, and I can say best : pas I havn't read your other poems
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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wow very scary but i like it
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Urgh, horrible. You made it very easy to picture. I can feel the pain for the woman and hate for that man! Stupid pride...
Overall... amazing!! -
i am touched by your poem.
A very good write,
Thank you.
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I love it, the pain is so evident. So beautiful.
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Another great piece
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Nice write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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OMG. That was really good. It almost made me cry which is hard. That was sad and chilling but it was written almost perfectly and is a great poem. I loved it.
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very sad. Abusive relationships are something I will never understand, but you put a lot of emotion and power into this piece and the reader can't help but be moved by it.
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I can tell that this was written from the heart and wtih real feeling. Thanks for entering!
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Sounds familiar, poor, poor girl.
WOW! this is just stunning. A sad and wonderful write, I loved this. OMG! AWESOME -
I Liked it
I have to agree with them all.It was chilling and kinda scary but you did very good.You wrote it as if you were the one watching this happen without them knowing you were there.You are very good
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hmmmm....
sounds cool. I like the rhyme scheme and the third person portrayal of the beating. Sounds pretty cool man...yup. Pretty cool.....
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"he drinks away his sobriety..."
wow. i agree with Brokenwings. this is very frightening...
i love the rhyme scheme... and it flows nicely.
well done, luv.
-Seth
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whoa...
this write is very chilling. but... thats a very good thing you managed to portray this... torture, almost, of this woman very well.
nicely done
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...that's simply scaring...but I liked the way you wrote it...I loved this part:
He drinks away his sobriety,
losing himself within his lies...
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