Myself
and yet
someone different.
Though my head
cries one course,
my body takes
another.
This inescapable
separation
of body and mind
entraps me
utterly refusing
to release
one
or the
other.
Author notes
Wynsom Trouble
I chose the "The Elegant Nobody" for inspiration. I hope you all liked this new write!
A contest entry
- Poets Survivor 3 - Preliminary Round #1 - Invite Only by Ryno.
625 points, ended February 22, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please judge critically if you'd like.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this is cool, it seems as if a bad trip, and sometimes life is just a bad trip
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Please don't be despaired; would like to see you next season.
Thank-you. 
Ryan -
No
I thought you had a really great idea here, and something that many readers can identify with.
I would have liked to see some more "meat" on the bones you have here. It's enjoyable, though and a good piece. -
Unlike the others, I have to say that, for once, reading a poem that's written in a weird format didn't completely murder my eyes. Although 'seperation' should be 'separation', it was a decent poem, though I felt that there was so much more potential. Good luck!
Laura
xxx -
No I'm sorry this is lacking poetic device and the formatting is distracting as well.
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No
While I found this piece very descriptive, & could relate to it well on my own level, I found that it laked certain poetic devices that are especially needed in poems, like this. Imagery. The imagery you used defiantly could've been spiced up. Not too shabby though.
Thank-you for the entry. Please await the other judges. Ryan. -
i know that i like this write, you have done a great job on this, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest.
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I think the background and formatting of this poem detract from its message. Centering a poem is best saved for forms requiring a set design. Good luck in this round. Peace, Liz
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No
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