What time is it?
How could we not know
We see the coming of the seasons
We see the seasons go
Have we became so complacent
So absent to the signs
That we wrap our souls in winter
Then lock the shutters, draw the blinds
What time is it?
How could we not see
Have we not been clearly shown
Are we not made free
How could we then in blindness
Choose again the chains
That in the long forgotten past
have brought us so much pain
Then look around in wonder
Asking why have we gone blind
and trying to determine
Just what is the time
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The flow is impeccable...the rhyme subtle and classy. Loved it. My favorite lines are definitely
"How could we then, in blindness,
choose again the chains
that in the long forgotten past
have brought us so much pain?"
I guess all I can suggest is to add the proper punctuation...and maybe divide it into two stanzas. I really think these changes would take this exceptional piece to the next level. -
Nice. I liked the flow. Its so important to have a reader get the flow because sometimes that makes the piece and well I got it lol. Very well written.
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Run it through a spell check.
Other than that, I liked it. It had a nice flow to it and the rhyming was good, a bit predictable, and the message was always good.
I liked the line, "Then look around in wonder
Asking why have we gone blind"
Kinda chilling.
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i really like this. well done for writing such a thought provoking and powerful peice
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Wow!
This is a very deep poem, made me think about the meaning. I can tell it took you a long time to write, there is so much thought and emotion. Very interesting theme.
Keep writing,
V
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