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Yes Come The Rain

Who to sweep these saddened tears
whence the rain kiss my shoulders warm
at least the rain still falls here and there...
perhaps a man he  gazes through his window
as I pick the leaves out the mangrove trees
fields of barley cooled in rays that sleep
I throw my arms upon the field running
my fingers down his chest as one hair
touches my face with soft tenderness
My man the one I can not see nor feel
Somewhere there, here?
As if all have received a rose and I a thorn
That went through my soul oh it hurts so
I ride this love that moves on training wheels
on roads that moves so fast just to get to
A place where the garden drips with juice
Oh sweet river that falls down from the sky
to become the arm of my man so
To sacred pull me to a place I wish to be
at least the rain still falls here and there...












Author notes

A poem epressing the anger of him not being with me saying "well at least the rain comes here and there"
at least it always with me and I can see it feel it...even though it is here because i am sad...that he is not with me so I pretend that feilds are him
and eveything else...but still feels as though he knows hat he come be with me as though he just washing me cry...

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Loki silver member
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    This was a wonderfully written poem, though there are quite a few errors in your authors note. Thank you for entering and best of luck in the contest.

  • Honeydew
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    well done

    this is really sad...and im sorry for your loss...your write is filled with so much emotion..thank you for entering.


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    April 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have won three honorable trophies for this piece. Congratulations on those, but I cannot consider this poem for this contest.

    thank you

    ♥
    whisper


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    April 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a cool read here thanks for entering


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    March 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very well done! I love how you explained the thorn on the rose, that which was so beautiful hurt so much. I am glad you entered this poem into my contest, it tought me something about myself. Thanks again for entering! Becks


  • Fug-azi
    March 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice flow, though I feel it would be even better with punctuation added. I know a lot of poets don’t use any at all and if that’s the way you want to go then you need to be consistent throughout the write.

    You use of ellipses is good, it really gives the reader the image of something left unsaid.

    I had a problem when reading this line as there seems to be a word missing;

    “as I pick the leaves out [of] the mangrove trees” – [] word added by me.

    “On roads that moves so fast just to get to” – I think should read “on road that moves...” or “on roads that move...”

    That’s about it, I’d still like to see the full range of correct punctuation included as I feel it would only add emphasis where required and not force the reader to backtrack when trying to figure out where the pauses or stops were required.

    Good luck


  • lilblueeyesmine1978
    March 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well written thanks for sharing. I think this was greatly emotional an dI liked it very much


  • Luminescence
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You don't have a AP name in the author's notes... I cannot judge it until you do... when you do please comment me back telling me.. thank you
    ~lumin


  • BrokenDawn
    March 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    WOW! I'm speachless at this its fantastic! Bravo!
    Goodluck!!
    ~dawn♥


  • LanguishedLad
    March 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    well penned

    thanks for the entry and best of luck in the competition. I liked this read alot, thanks


  • leander Moderators member
    February 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There is power practically oozing from the words here.
    A very strong piece you have written, with quite a sad edge to it.

    Thank you for entering this contest, I wish you all the best!
    Leander


  • LunaAmara
    February 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well this is definetely an interesting write and a very strong one


  • RainbowGirl257
    February 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is a great poem, hope it wins something!


  • Three Doves
    February 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    EXPRESSIVE

    DEAR POET I SHALL CALL YOU GRANDDAUGHTER YOUR TALENT HAS CAPTURED MY HEART AND I PRAY YOU CONTINUE IN ALL GRACE AND GLORY OF LIGHT AND LOVE. PLEASE IF YOU WILL RESPOND TO MY COMMENT AND PLACE YOUR USER NAME AS SIGNATURE.


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    February 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I loved this poem...

    you drew us into your poem with the most lovely of
    writing voices, the style of it was alluring and
    so rich to be enjoyed!
    I really like your writing voice and style!
    Excellent job dear poet, just flowingly wonderful!
    ears2hearyou
    Kathleen/Seattle loved this poem!


  • Necromantic Snow
    February 16, 2008
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    This is excellent, I love all the imagery! Good luck in the contest!


  • GloriousGift
    February 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    This's even better, I like it all, the images & everything..

    Great Penning

    Keep it up

    GloriousGift
    Heba


  • Gods-Artgal
    February 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem.
    You are a great poet.
    Best of luck in the contests.


  • Violent Glass
    February 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautiful peom!!
    thanx for entering


  • z etoile
    February 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful Aurielle. I hope that you and Mack will always be together you seem to have a strong love for each other. I have been going through a lot of crap so please don't be mad at me.
    You poems are so sweet and full of emotion.


  • Wilted Rose Bush
    February 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Gives a great image and quite a lot of good words used in this. A fantastic write. It makes you feel exactly what you feel too. Well done!

1 - 22 of 22