Caught cradled in affection
letting soft covers
hide my chilled limbs,
waking world reminds
of last time and before,
when doors closed harshly;
but not today.
She closed the door gently,
not wishing to be noticed,
as shadowed path
cleared to light of day -
dimmer than morning -
pressed beneath clouded cloth skies.
Softly shutting
close of light
sharp rise of night inside
my open window, moon glow
abandoned this bare and starless sky.
Reflexes betray our eyes
awkward flinches caught,
batting buzzing flies, sharpened
skills for avoiding collisions;
from crashing into restless dreams
that might keep and hold us, forever.
In a list
A contest entry
- Give It To Me by Allyce May.
12000 points, ended February 24, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Very Good
You bring us into the middle Now, with glimpses of the harsh past and tentative stretching toward a softer future. Then remind us to be aware of possible collisions. Good description of any relationship past the "introduction" stage and moving toward "good to know you".
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Very soft and loving piece. You did a beautiful job here. I wont mess it up with more words
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I feel like I have just woken up from a dream.
Loved "cloth skies" - very original
The ending was brilliant too. Sometimes I think it is better to stay wide awake, for fear that the dreams will become too real and indeed, keep us forever.
Thanks for sharing
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Very interesting, 'skid. I did something unusual while reading it - I checked for articles. One definite ("the", line 8) and no indefinites. That gives the feeling of hesitancy, of taking shallow breaths. That rather works. Good luck in the contest.
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I am lost in the image of a leaving lover, closing the door gently. This is a lovely write, catching at the edge of dreams and sleep, morning and night, the restless dreams that have the power to hold us forever.
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You started the poem with the image of a morning,and ended it in the night. All what you have in between, shows the transition from hopeless to might get real dreams.
Gentle thoughts to a gentle poem
Mari
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So soft and beautiful this is....like peeking into a dream and never wishing to awaken to that door closing on sweet light...
This is breathtaking
Lynda
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