Injection invading the bloodstream,
Unborn, the scapegoat of death.
An infant swimming in saline...
A mother extinguishes breath.
Author notes
TabbyJoy
A contest entry
- Word Prompt: 16 words by Seeking Peace.
450 points, ended February 16, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quickie Anything Goes by Gibson.
800 points, ended May 9, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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this si good
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I enjoy this, only because it reminds me of my brother and his addictions he's gotten over. Thank you.
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Chilling!
Reminds me of Cedric Bixler-Zavala's lyrics on De-loused in the Comatorium.
You'd be a good songwriter, I think.
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this is really good. great job in only sixteen words.
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Wow this is another outside the box thinking piece, I like how you have used quite good phrasing without being blunt about it, well done
Thank you for taking the time to enter this contest, wishing you the best of luck
Karen -
wow i love the way tis one flows, wonderful job! =)
good luck in the contest.
stephanie =) -
The title seems fine to me
Wow...powerful, as most people were saying.
It's so nice to read a poem on such a dark topic.
I think you did a wonderful job with 16 words!
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How about:
"Interference-and Outa'Here-ance!"
okay so I think kinda wierd!
David
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title
Hello there Tabby.
I think your current title is awesome. I have seen in anthologies that the first line is sometimes also the title of the poem. You title is dynamic and eye-catching and isn't that a good thing for a title?
Your poem is very sad and if I wasn't a man, I would cry. Well, actually I do feel like crying. I'd better go and chop some onions so that nobody will notice.
I hope this poem is not based on a current personal experience, because that would be even more sad.
Have a calm day,
BJ.
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Oohh...controversial...you've been doing a lot of those lately. I'm not very good with titles but I'd say...Juxtapose (because your placing death upon the backdrop of the unborn). And because it's a cool word! I really like it. You're good with those quickies.
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o0o a verry strong piece. good luck
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This piece is mighty powerfully written. It sure made my stomach turn...which just says even more about your wonderful write. Hope you do well in the contest.
Kelli
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