Sometimes

Sometimes
I worry that I'm just a bad person
Because every time I turn around
I get shut down.
I try to talk to my friend
and explain myself to her
that I know I tease her alot
but It's not because I'm being hateful.
When she takes it the wrong way
then the boyfriend yells at me
and calls me a bitch
and I have to spend the whole afternoon
explaining myself to him
and trying to talk him out of his...
"s" talk.
So,
I think I'm being a good friend at that point
I'm thinking that I can work this out with her
and everything will be fine with him,
but then I turn around again
and all the blame falls on me.
You think It's so easy to blame me
that it doesn't hurt me at all
you call me a bitch
when I try to talk this out with you
when you call me up and ask me what happened
and I READ off the messages
you call me a bitch.
Then you play a joke on me
and call me back,
supposedly asking for my side,
and when I try to talk through it with you
you laugh at me.
You laugh in my face.
People in the background call me bad names
and say hateful things,
and you hurt me.
And you laugh about it.
I cried about it.
And it made me feel bad for crying about something
that I shouldn't be.
I tried to help both my friends
and in the end
they turned around and called me a bitch
and laughed in my face
and said they were going to
"fucking slit my throat"
Don't say I'M "some friend"
when you do this to me.
And you laugh about it.

Sometimes
I worry that all this
has been making me
self destructive.
I question myself
because you blame me
for things
for everything...
it's making me
doubt me...
and if you know anything about me
you know
that that's just about as fucking dangerous
as putting a gun to my head.