I have seen children, coming with their songs,
with thirst
running deep in their blood; I see them
every day-
their eyes, bending into
the smell of the same soil:
so much salt for cultivation, heads lowered,
thighs plied - they cracked the same old jokes
their mothers sang
and then, in the rain,
there seemed to be
just too much
promise
A contest entry
- Children of Sandalwood & Mala by Heart Sutra.
1500 points, ended February 16, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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hmm.
This reminds me of the people with the big headphones that it sounds like they are listening to people dying but it is rock music and if you put those headphones on you live it and you feel this vibe they feel. But like i dont know for some reason I dont like being overpowered by sound I just like being in it. Not suffocated.
The end of it confused me..in the rain too much promise..>I was like hmm. Thats what made me love this I have so many finished/unfinished things that go into those words it makes this endless.
♥xox<3
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you're amazing. i can't say much else. i really can't.
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Yay, as usual!
Your writing is just so...spectacular... You've penned a beautiful metaphor here. Great connection between the title and the rest of the poem.
Congrats on the gold.
~Cassie
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Congratulations!!
Congratulations on the gold
, a very good poem here. I liked it... a lot.
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See, I told you, you are poetry personified!! Congrats on your gold - so very well deserved
~ Nicolette
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congratulations
gold from start to finish
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Your poetry is addictive in the quick but profound effect it has. It is more than writing a short piece to prove one can do it, this is a just enough words to share the depth and one word or image more would have been too much. A delicate balance you have....
The message touches the heart as much as it reaches the mind.
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this is excellent
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I feel and hear the percussion of feet, of something deep in the blood of those children, the past and the future... A wonderful, soulful piece of writing, my friend.
The closing lines are stunning....my mind traveled far on your words. Beautiful, meaningful poetry!!
~ Nicolette
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ooo the wink was for you though... not with what i said... should have used a punctuation before the wink emoticon! anyway, good luck!
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plied makes a good image, guess it's plied
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plied>piled?
just thinking.
this is brilliant poetry. loved where it took me. well done.
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