It
grows out of her like fingers-
an awful wombfulness she is not accustomed to,
and kicks
against the wall.
She is the voice you think you hear
when the house is sighing,
part bone, part holy apparition
she is
an excuse for dreadful pity, wailing and
screeching in the night
It is easily removable
and she’s the girl stuffing her face
with her knees
to stopper the bleed- she has an envelope
she cannot open. And it grows.
With the weight of it, they will not swim
but sink to the bottom, and build a temple for themselves-
and making scars in the subway, we watch
as the smallest mouse
wears herself to crumbs
.
.
.
15.02.08
Author notes
I hope this is ok Rob-
WIP- any critical suggestions welcomed.
A contest entry
- For My Teachers (5300 points) by just rob.
5000 points, ended March 1, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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"I haven't written anything good ina while though.. i'm losing it lol"
I disagree. From what I've read of your recent work, albeit, you've only submitted a few new new poems, you've still got it... and, if possible, you've improved. This is sheer brilliance, I agree with the comments on some of your other poems, you really do seem to breathe poetry. So jealous. Amazing!!
♣ Tegan
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wow. my comments are horrible. this is amazing. sad story, but amazing images, so polished and unique. Vivid. You're 16 right? How do you do it?
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I'm 17 now..
I haven't written anything good ina while though.. i'm losing it lol. xx -
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You can't be losing it. That would be a crime against humanity lol
Keep writing for poetry's sake.
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I love this poem. It makes me think of a lot of things
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eeekk... so badass. i loved it muchos.
it's so strange... in a good way... your words & imagery.. completley, utterly awsome.
i love it!
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Excellent--Well written & Versed--
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amazing as always...
i cant ever criticise your poems.
i love "and she’s the girl stuffing her face
with her knees
to stopper the bleed- she has an envelope
she cannot open."
amaazing imagery.
anyways... i love you
and i miss you... so much
xxxx
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amazing
I fucking love this one.
One of my favs.
take care love.
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im afraid i have no critical comments. only simply that you captured something increadiable with this piece. its really hard to explain but i would like to let you know you are one of the few poets i look up to on this site. you help me grow
thank you so much for sharing this
♥
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Okay?
It's amazing. The metaphor is thick as a brick, hard, brittle. It seems to most, the homeless are invisable.
When it's cold outside, like now, I lie awake, seeing them as my guilt, the antithesis of the quilt that warms me as the old wood sighs like they do.
"It is easily removable"
Why does that dumpster yawn so wide for the child of poverty? Why does the Madonna live beneath an overpass, curled in a ball society throws away.
My eyes are open to the smallest mouse.
Thank You.
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I like this one alot. The imagery is great. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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