this is not for you.

this.

this is not for you.

or you.

or.
you.

this is for me.

this is for me.

i
dont even think that

understand
mis-
must
understand!

standing livid and little

  sanded sarcasm
strut meaning away
  day by day

and what it is yet that
i dont understand
still plagues my lips
and my brain
and my brains lips (shivershiver; oh, its notsocold notany
more) is that i still

still OH SO HATE
the conventional.

you, well,
you cant hide.

i can see it.
i WILL see it. i cant hide what
you hide anymore


you arent the convention.


youve got something that even you dont see(nono notyet) something that
i want to be mine-

no,
nono-
ours.

sometimes

  i dont want to be what i am
  sometimes i want to be more and
  those times are when i feel sunskin
  in the cold
  feel smiles on my back
  lighter in my strut
  sighs that arent heavy

sometimes i

  feel like tomorrow might not be worse
  when i know it will be(after all, the drive home just makes me look forward to
  the feeling i got and will get
  on the passage there
to you)

i tell souls not to worry
soulsfull
of dread, of the streetlight simplicity
of nine to five.

so. no.

enough of this soulfuldread
morethanme
sandy shine
sampsonite shut
story-

im sick of the ending i know will come that never does.

i dont do this for you.
i
dont
do this for you.

i do this for ME.

if you met me
two years ago
you wouldnt know me, cause,
well,
i didnt.


you...
you, ugh.

okay.

i know nothing of horizons or
new beginnings, the times that ive
  seen them have been misunderstood until
  it is too muchtoolate

and, yet, i remember this one-

i was nervous.  you probably couldnt tell, but it was there.

i was nervous since we first talked.

why? because i was FUCKING TERRIFIED.

i AM fucking terrified.

i dont like hope. i dont like thinking that
there actually is someone out there understanding of me in that silent way.
something in someone that can feel me
    comeandgo
    feel my climaxes and syncopations

step beat to beat
  subverting every attempt i take
to keep things the same

heh, and the best part?

i...well,
i could feel myself getting used to this.

so please,
      when the road lengthens
      when its straight and wide
    twists and cul-de-sacs
    come, when
  it drops suddenly
  sullenly sanguine

just remember.

this- all of this-

it is all for you.