These Eyes of Mine

No strings attached
That was my goal
Wherever I found myself
That was my goal
An night of indiscretion
To ease my mind
Thrust back at me twofold
These eyes of mine
Don't wake easily
not anymore
These eyes of mine
are lies to the world
Is my pain in the past
That definitely true
I wasn't through and it's over
This will end badly
my mind told me prior
To even seeing your eyes
my touch poisoned
Before I even knew
And it didn't change
how I felt
When I discovered it.
It is my burden
So I stray from another's touch
And the fear there might be others
My contagion has seeded
There was another after
Somewhere ambiguous
And I still don't want her either
terrible things come from my touch,
my words
I know how to use them
to manipulate
And never get my meaning across
So I send apologies galore
To those who've been poisoned by me
I've said before
I can't apologize enough
For secret-keeping
For double-dealing
for ignorance
For cowardice
For misconceiving
For hurting you
For poisoning you
For rending the heart of
Another human
I've distracted myself
With the tasks of today
Trying to push it away.
I fail
because in some way
my conscience rides me
I cannot
say
do
think
enough
to express
my condolences
my shame
my failure
These eyes of mine
cannot see clearly
blinded by doubt
opaque by tears
I do not know what to think of you
I want you to hate me
Shun me
Force me from your mind
But that will not make amends
only enemies
So i resign myself to solitude
in the company of millions
may i never poison again