A shadow stayed
memory shading heart from other light,
a way of holding; for the time together
traced still veins left ‘pon leaves
beneath the written page.
And there were moments
when tidal turnings rose up from a depth
like air deep in dark seas,
surrounded within itself
growing, it rose to night thunder and flash
where water wrapped covers against the sky.
And it would have burst upon the surface
in a word like “love” ,
but would only have borne meaning
had you been there, to breathe it in.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Sound of Thunder and Rain by NurseChilly.
1400 points, ended February 25, 2008, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I missed this one...
Your work is always so poetically beautiful and always deeper than what's on the surface. Congratulations.
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I like this piece very much... it flows well, and has boundaries of sound that carry the theme of the contest well...
my only little critique is: I'm not sure on the word Grown in the second stanza.. it seems a little disjointed with the words ... as it rose ... I think maybe it could be growing, it rose.. or ... in growth, rising to night...
anyways.. my thoughts only
well done and many thanks for entering this contest
G.x
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Thank you Gill... wonderful suggestion and comment...'skid
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this is good i love the line,like air deep in dark seas, its brilliamt
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Beautifully layered and woven
together so delicately, well done poet, well done!
I enjoyed how cleverly you wrote this!
I love layered poems, you remember them...they are not
easily forgotten...as was this one!
good good job, lots of poetic talent in you!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )) this was hard to do!
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Love the last stanza the most. Your way with words is beautiful. I take it you ate as much as you now serve. Well done, poet. One.
Dez
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Exquisite...
Such a beautiful penning filled with emotion
"And it would have burst upon the surface
in a word like “love” ,
but would only have borne meaning
had you been there, to breathe it in."
SO amazing this is
Lynda
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