Cold and lonely
and nothing, but
lifeless vital
signs- a sign that
offers no life or
hope or love
Standing on the
bridge of life's
highway, miracles
are as far away
from her, as the
stars above
Sweet and saddened
soul, swallows her
safety net, and
loses her breath,
loses her mind and
her will to survive
She was from such
a world of perfect
order and all was
painted white, when
deep inside, was as
black as the night
we fell...
Author notes
Option #2
Something inspired from his song "Coma White" and this verse in particular
"There's something cold and blank,
behing her smile
She's standing on an overpass,
in her miracle mile.."
In a list
A contest entry
- Manson's Mechanical Animals by Latradi.
320 points, ended February 24, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Writes from my Faves!!!! by PerfectImperfection.
675 points, ended August 19, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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A deep piece of thought to be pondered; the darkness that invades, lives within - and simply thrives. Pained yet vague in its own way. Interesting take on lyrical prompt. Nicely done!
-
I know who you is
, BUT... would you please put name in AN - pretty please?
lol
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Wow! Good. That last stanza really struck a chord. I liked the imagery. Very sad and tragic indeed. Congrats on the gold trophy. Well deserved.
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Three cheers for you! Your writing is just beautiful my friend... I love this in the first stanza 'lifeless vital signs - a sign that offers no life. You never seize to amaze me with your words. F L O W is the keyword here!
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I really love this. Such an empty feeling is left behind. I like the last two stanzas the best. I read the poem three times because I kept thinking I might find a glimmer of hope in it. Nope. Too many people feel this emptiness and the numbing after being struck too often by life's disappointments.
~ Joyce
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What a wonderful dark poem! I loved it.. I loved the part:
miracles
are as far away
from her, as the
stars above
Because it reminds me of a Manson verse "in space the stars are no nearer" and that is wonderful because that was not even your inspiration song...
I wish you good luck, though I don't think you need it,
Latradi -
I liked this a lot. Good luck to you in the contest.
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this actually took my breathe away, filled with so much sadness and even a bit of darkness yet a beautiful write and the flow was extremly wonderful!
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