warm breeze
between falling leaves
a butterfly
A contest entry
- ~ Haiku ~ A contest for all Winklings & their Friends #54 by Lyndon.
1000 points, ended March 1, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Infinituple Haiku by Pollycheck.
600 points, ended April 10, 2008, 100 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think about after you read this?
Comments
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oo
beautiful.. this one is my favorite.. mainly because autumn is my favorite season, and this poem brings it alive so elegantly
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I like this haiku. But, to me it looks reverable, like the pause could be either the end or beging and still sound great. Thanks for sharing. UNT
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This is a beautiful haiku, Myron. I think what I appreciate most about haiku is that it says so much in duch few words.
Dee
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bravo!
I really like this, a lot, actually!
I can picture this clearly in my mind
congrats on all the trophies, they are most deserved!
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to short
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BEAUTIFUL image.
Marlene -
Thank you for entering my haiku contest.
warm breeze
between falling leaves
a butterfly
What else can I say but this is a very well written haiku that follows the true haiku form well. -
Congratulations on the trophy. This is a lovely image, it makes me think of a warm day in autumn.
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trophy
yes Sandal - thank you very much. you're right - the weather is still warm coz it's early autumn.
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thank you
thank you to the judges for awarding gold to this haiku. there were many fine entries and any number of them could have won. i'm pleased i won the 'lottery' this time around...
congratulations to other winners and entrants!
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Such a beautiful set of images, myron. You feel the breeze with the images floating before you. Hooray for the gold, a wonderful haiku.
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I'm wondering about the circumstances of leaf fall, since "butterfly" speaks so clearly of summer; it could be the cusp of the seasons. Anyway, the shapes of of the leaves and the butterfly wings are similar, and the motion of leaves in the breeze can be fluttering. This little poem has incredible depth.
Smiling at Ron's comment.
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A most excellent haiku
I love the juxtapositioning of two subjects [falling leaves and butterfly.] Resonantly beautiful with well-judged phrase/fragment relationship. 12 syllables of ku beauty!
If you are a Winkling and have not done so, join myron's class at Winklings! He could use you AND this very memorable haiku, there!!!
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GR8!
Hello there!
I am impressed by the way you have used your images here, placing the butterfly in between the fluttering leaves. Maybe they are all butterflies? Maybe they are all leaves?
I like the movement you have created in this poem. I can see the changing of the seasons written so expertly and subtly between your words and images.
Please take a look at my few haiku if you have the time. I would like to have your report on them.
have a gr8 haiku day,
BJ.
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Oh, truly a fine moment of enchantment to be found in his splendid haiku! A moment in time captured in the mind of a wonderfully talented poet.
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hi Marilynn - thank you very much for your wonderful and encouraging comments. i appreciate them.
best wishes,
myron.
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And we can't see what is the butterfly and what are the leaves. They seem so alike when touched by a breeze, specially if Autumn breeze.
So very well done with the images here!
I wrote a butterfly/leaves haiku few years ago, but never translated it from Portuguese to English
Mari
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An enjoyable piece of poetry, the wings of life spread their presence everywhere, and it is felt by all. A good poem.
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wings of life
Thank you; glad you stopped by and felt the wings of life in my haiku.
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very nice
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this was kinda cute I love the imagery I felt though itwas detailed enough thuogh seemd not as detailed perhaps gentle could be replace with another word and breeze I think it would of sound better wth alliteration since there are three words that start with b's I think you can find a word that starts with a b for gentle...so it could sound better when read but this was good
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alliteration
thank you very much for your comments. i appreciate them. as there are already three examples of alliteration in this haiku, i'm not sure that one more would improve the poem. But it's got me thinking, so thank for that.
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excellent
I loved the imagery here in this haiku... -
It is generally accepted that an English haiku follows the form 5-7-5 syllables but there are those who advocate breaking the acceptance. However the natural elements shown here are very good and satisfying. For me though this is not a haiku - we would not, for example call a twenty line non-rhyming poem a sonnet would we, so, why mess about with the haiku form? Here endeth the soapbox!
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5.7.5
Hi QS - thank you for your soapbox comments on haiku and its syllabic form. Your views comply to general acceptance and many people who have limited knowledge of haiku would agree with you.
However, there are contemporary studies of haiku by hakuists and they would disagree with you. There are many more important facets to haiku than its syllabic count. 17 syllables in English do not equal 17 Japanese onji. Poets who are serious about haiku have ambitions to have their english haiku translated into japanese. With 17 syllables, the poem in japanese would be too bulky and too wordy and look nothing like a haiku. Somewhere around 12 syllables is the new idea.
What is more important in haiku is that it is written with sense images, in juxtaposition, with one break in the syntax.
Thanks for your interest,
Myron.
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This is a wonderful haiku, Myron. It has it all: imagery... excellent timing... a near perfect 2/3/2 in beat... ambiguity... this is honestly a world class haiku... and now, I'm jealous!!!
Well done friend... keep on ku-ing!
Don
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this was so cute i think that you did iy very well indeed at least to me anyway. i thnk you so much for shareing it. i hope that you will have a great day
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this is a very well done HAIKU butterfly/breezes/leaves classic HAIKU subjects/forms thanks for sharing regards zaj
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Zyskandar
goodonya mate. glad to get your reading.
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I am smiling as I read this beautiful haiku...
Thank you for teaching me to write haiku, myron... I am beholden to you, for I find it to be one of my favorite forms. This one you have penned makes me think of springtime approaching, which makes me happy.
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melodies
thank you for the melodies in your comments.
i'm glad you love haiku - i do too.
i appreciate you,
myron.
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lovely
I agree with the poet, Galaxy below. -
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Candy6
thanks.
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Butterfly...a symbol of beauty and softness
uour Haiku...as soft and pretty as a beautiful
Galaxy2
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thanks
thank you Galaxy, for your poetic reply.
if you were a man, i'd hug you.
yours in poetry,
myron.
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