Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Canvas Dreams

Around the corner spring steals with the dawn
Leaving the stars to loiter in the grey,
Popping the buds with gentle lure of morn
And waking birds to sing the day away.
The early lambs seek mothers' swollen breast.
Labouring cows low loudly in the field,
While night-time foxes curl their cubs in rest
And ferrets find the hen-runs doubly sealed.
Behind the hum of traffic people wake
All bleary-eyed with lighter, carefree heart.
And neighbours'cats return from rooftop break
Daring the waking dog to stretch and bark.
Idylls of yore enchrined in canvas skills
Lost in our lust for raucous death and thrills

Author notes

This is a Shakesperean sonnet

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • passim silver member
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on the Gold. I see that you have 11 syllables in the 4th and 6th lines, spoils it a bit I feel.


    • crystaldust gold member
      February 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Just for you I took another look. A change in punctuation and changing wakening to 'waking' (not quite the same but will do) has made both lines 10 syllables, so you may read it now without your enjoyment being spoiled.

    • crystaldust gold member
      February 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hi. It is allowed, as you will see from Spenser, Sidney and, very occasionally, Shakespeare. I must admit I prefer it to the old practice of putting an apostrophe in to knock out the 11th syllable.


  • masterblaster gold member
    February 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi, a wonderful sonnet and so true, I knew as I was reading through all these sonnets that this contest was going to be a b.... to judge, so probably there will be more than one gold, I loved this sonnet. Di


  • MargaretG
    February 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    There is a lot of life in the imagery, and a good turn from country to town life. Your couplet makes a contrast - we have been examining a picture and avoiding television. We love idylls, but not enough to make them, it seems. A good read, good luck!


  • capricornpoet
    February 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Canvas indeed

    Colourful sonnet of all that is night and spring and morning; images abound in this lively weave of life;
    the last line ends with a masters brush stroke of verve. good luck in contest...

  • celadia
    February 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this poem, it felt old and young at the same time, like an old style about the modern world, which I found appealing. You have a great talent.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    February 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ahhhh, excellent! Excellent! And how have you been doing? I have been very busy and fighting off a virus thus have not been on much. hopefully all goes well with you and yours and you are recovered?

    Len

    • crystaldust gold member
      February 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hi there and many thanks for your comments. Glad you like this one, it nearly didn't get written because my muse has been really unwilling and a pain. Sorry about the virus; they seem to be getting more and more vicious with the years. At last Im fine and hoping to be on line a great deal more. Talk again soon.
      Joy


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    February 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent!!

    • crystaldust gold member
      February 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hi granddaughter and thank you for your lovely comments. They are really encouraging especially as I was completely stuck until earlier today and along came this one. Will talk again soon.
      Grams


    • crystaldust gold member
      February 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, lovely granddaughter. Will talk again soon. Love you lots. grams.


  • HopelessScribbles gold member
    February 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh Grams, this is beautifully written, I love this form and tried to do this myself, but not creative minded, your
    picture is painted so clearly...
    Moonie

1 - 13 of 13