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Unloaded Guns

Show this girl a little more courtesy.
The requirements have been watered down.
It's not hard to be gloomy.
Apologies will get you far, boy.
There's nothing left to lose.
If only you'd show more attention to the vanities of her infection.
He said he loved how her hair fell in front of her face & made her look a mess. She's the last son of the puritans.
A fortune for anonymous benders.
Drink it in boys.
Whiskey & water.
Oh, you must be everso hardcore.
The girl can drink you under & drown you in the religious fervor of the y-chromosome.
Build your own movement.
Burn the wombs of the so-called witches.
If you stand close enough to the flames, you may just see your own reflection.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Lowell Poe
    April 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very cool,
    you have not lost your touch....as i always say ......don't change a thing.
    This had a May West ...western feel.....lot's of balls gypsy.
    love it!

    blessings always,
    LOWELL POE

  • Katrina Armour
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the strong voice in this poem. It's nice to see a poem with a strong woman behind it rather than a woman who sits around crying and cutting herself, like you see in a lot of the poems at allpoetry.

    There were some nice lines in this, too. I love "She's the last son of the puritans." Although I think it should be its own line rather than coming right after "...made her look a mess."

    Criticisms - The first six lines are a little choppy because they all end in periods. You should work with them a little and see if you can make them flow better.

    "Drink it in boys" should have a comma after "in".

    I also thought that the end was too easy. There could have been something more powerful there, although I'm not sure what.

    Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!

    ~*~Kat~*~


  • Necromantic Snow
    February 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this! The last line two lines are my favorite by far! Kinda seems to want to be a song... there seems to be something lyrical about it, if that makes any sense...