The stillness is suffocating,
stagnant air hangs low,
screaming inside to breathe
I step outside into the darkness,
looking to the heavens for affirmation
I begged for mercy ~answers.
The Devil smiles
Laughing in the breeze of the trees,
I began to scream out loud,
"God if you are there, please help me"
listen to me, "A Soul for a Soul",
"TAKE ME", let him have ME, "SET MY CHILD FREE",
"TAKE ME".
Calm falls upon me as the trees
silence the Devil's laughter,
looking to the heavens once more,
seeking what I do not see
I drop to my knees, whispering once more,
"Take me"...
Author notes
personal ~losing someone you love to drugs
-"I'll give you my blood if that's all you need"
In a list
A contest entry
- Hit me with your best shot by De-Throned.
450 points, ended February 20, 2008, 33 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - (Un)Comfortable in my Skin or I will (not) be fine by ixtli.
450 points, ended July 12, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - //where you gonna be tomorrow? [Heroin Diaries] by kill the lights.
525 points, ended September 12, 2008, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your most personal & meaningful poem from ( 2008 ) by justgot2loveme.
1500 points, ended December 11, 2008, 52 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Having a conversation with God by trekkergirl.
550 points, ended January 18, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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HOODWINKED !
This is an emotion powerhouse, a sacrificial plea for the benefit of another. Very nicely written which tugs at the heart strings. Well done dear poet, write on.
You have been Hoodwinked today by the Poetic Bandits
because WE CARE! 
Dennis
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This is an incredible write. Great emotion. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You're in my prayers. Great job and goodluck in the contest.
-Kati -
I am so sorry for your loss!
This touched me deeper than you'll ever know!
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WOW this is totally awesome!!!
I just love this one. I love the fact that you are asking God to take you... willing to sacrifice yourself for a loved one. And you do it so well with these words.
Great job! Love it. Love the imagery. Love the wording. Can't say enough about this write. Good job!
thanks for sharing this one
thanks for entering it into this contest. -
I love this piece because it reminds me so much of a friend of mines.
I love him so much that I would have rather given my life than to have him go through all he had to bare.
Drugs are taking over our world and has taken so many of lives. People we love to death are dying every signle day. It seems almost impossible to help them. My sister-in-law works in a rehab, and she tells so many sad stories about people on drugs. And how some of them pray to die so they won't have to live that way anymore. Many people don't realize how hard it is to get off drugs.
I love your poem.
Thanks for sharing and good luck.
Justgot2loveme
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Very Nice!!!! Congrats on making it to the top 10!!! I think you deserve it!
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Wow! This poem is really great. I love the chaos in the second stanza. It's slightly confusing, but I think that strengthens the poem and the suspense. It's not too often that you read poetry that is suspenseful.
I love that you depicted the setting "stillness is suffocating", "stagnant air", "darkness".
This poem truly is amazing. You have deserved every trophy that has been awarded to this piece.
I really admire this piece and thank you for your entry. I want to congratulate you on making in into the preliminary finalists and I wish you the best of luck.
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death, sorrow, wanting to change destiny, very well captured in this piece
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I love this one. You can relate this to almost anything that is taking a person away, whether it be drugs or death. Great job and good luck in the contest.
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this is so emotionally powerful.
beautifully written.
I honestly hope everything works out for you
and good luck in all of those contests. -
very well done. definately relates to the song i am doing this year. Great job!
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A very powerful and emotional write!
What a terrible feeling to be put in
such a position. It's always great
to know that there are other people
out there who love you and would do
anything to help save your life.
It's not everyday that you find someone
that is willing to sacrifice him or herself
for you and when you do, you know that you
have found a great friend. Someone who
will always be there for you through thick
and thin. I love all of the sincerity and
emotions in this one my friend.
Congratulations to you on your two silver
trophies here! I do hope that you are able
to get a gold from one of the other two
contests that you have this in.
Good luck to you and as always, it's a
pleasure to read you!
Jeremy0826
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Beautiful read, I think I like this better than your other one
Fantastic.
Peace & love,
xx Sin
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Such a pleasure to read.
Thank you for sharing this.
God, and the devil.
I can really relate.
Amazing write.
Keep it up.
Thanks for entering, good luck and well done. -
god and devil....two sides of a counterfeit coin
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A Joy to read and...
You definitely TOOK ME!
Wondrous Words, my Friend
Congratulations on your SILVER!
~ Nicky♥
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This is beautiful. I really like this. I can relate. Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!
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Shows how good a person should be.
I don't like your style but I can say it did not pinch me in this poem
The thoughts are incomparable to any I can think of at present.
How many of us can really say that when faced by the Yamraj(Devil).
Congrats.
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Wow! this was overwhelmingly beautiful and thought provoking. TAKE ME! This is exactly what I was looking for. This will definitely be a hard contest to judge
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This is a really great poem,
keep up the good work,
Thank you for entering the contest.
And good luck
♥ christina -
A beautiful and well written poem. Thought provoking and honest, a beautiful piece filled with emotion and honesty. Well done
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Emotional
This is a beautiful write about a very emotional topic. Great job on winning Silver. I do not have children but would do the same thing if I could
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wow!great poem OOO really strong stuff, u write really well no wonder u got silver!!lol check out my poems x x x
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I remember praying this screaming this when my 6 month old died and again when my now married second child who is twenty four was eighteen years old and gave me two years of pure terror...I have no idea what is happening I do know it must be causing you such pain it is your child.. I am praying and sending good thoughts your way.
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I Love it.
I could feel the desperation. Very strong. great write.
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Wow i really liked this... its definatly going into the finals..... GREAT JOB... My favorite part of this poem is:
The Devil smiles
Laughing in the breeze of the trees,
I began to scream out loud,
"God if you are there, please help me"
listen to me, "A Soul for a Soul",
"TAKE ME", let him have ME, "SET MY CHILD FREE",
"TAKE ME
Good luck in this contest and GREAT write
De-Throne
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An interesting take.
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emotional poem well written
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enjoyed this - no reason to repeat 'answers' so close to each other 'TAKE ME' is a very effective refrain in this should 'breat' in line 3 be 'breathe'? yes/no? thanks for sharing regards zaj
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Lovely poem. The emotions are well brought out. Great write.
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An enjoyable piece of poetry. In the third line of your poem perhaps you mean breathe rather than breath? A good dark poem, the imagery is fast and sorrowful.
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mom
this is so deep and just screams the pain and torture your poor soul is going through,
i'm stuck for the right words here,
just know i love you, and im with you in thought if not in person
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a fantastic write on the deapths of feelings full of emotion in your crys for help
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have faith all will work and later you get a respone from god.... god grant me thing ican change accept the thing i can't.. blind faith.. excellence writer .. thanks for sharing
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great!!!
i loved it it had such passion... awesome -
Everybody asks for that in a moment of such difficulty. Everybody can say "God has his reasons", but sincerely, there's not much you can do when you start to understand God also looks unfair. To try to understand what he does is hard, and the fact it also creates a community conscience of blame makes it worse. Unfair. Maybe this was one of the triggers of the all of a sudden explosion of atheism. Or maybe it was a better reason. What is best, a (Wo)man who lost his/her child but is already prepared to live or a child who lost his/her pillars in life? I'm sorry if I'm being somehow cruel, cold and numb, but it's the only reason I can think of.
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A sincere and courageous showing of the true love found that instant when he was first laid in your arms. Carrying through all the years forever, standing infront of all that seeks to harm her precious world. For he is the sun that rises on her day and the moon that glows for her night.
Powerful write sweetheart.
Love,
Mouser
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and he will not take you...though this may be more bearing on you than he...it is the lesson to be learned...I think he sees...unfair or disturbing and shameful it may seem...we are helpless and do not see..no we refuse to become defeated...and that is the faith you keep...Hang in there kimmy...sometimes we can only pray...he watches over and protect...what is most dear to you...I pray for you...and him...all will be right in the end...
heartfelt your heart spills your love and faith...
Mal
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Have Faith
I feel your pain and wish I could help you more. You are a most loving mother,your son is lucky to have you. Know in your heart you have many friends that support you. Some roads in life we must travel alone,be there for him, and we'll be here for you. Things have away of working out,have faith. Love & Best wishes....me.
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Ouch..
This screams of agony, as well as sincerity..
I know you love your son, and you would take his pain.
What an awesome mother, I admire you, and you have a heart of gold.
I'm so sorry that it seems as God don't hear you.
I pretty much have stopped pleading with him some time ago.
I can't understand a world of suffering, and pain.
But I send my love your way, because I know what suffering is like.
It sucks, and you my friend don't deserve the dark days.
I hope you atleast know there are souls who care, and have faith more than our own.
Stay as strong as you can friend.
-hugs- of healing...
-Timothy aka poeticweaver~ xo
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