I think about the past
and all the things I've done
I knew they wouldn't last
Instincts told me to run
Turmoil burned deep inside
Alone, I made my bed
Concrete tears I cried
I wished that I was dead
Had my share of tragedies
Suffered more than loss
Whispered my sweet blasphemies
My burden was my cross
I've turned my life around
Buried all these doubts
Somehow I've been found
Your rain will end my drought
Like the parting of the sea
Walking to the promised land
There's so much I could be
With a little helping hand
Author notes
The other poem I entered is called 'Questions'
A contest entry
- Double up ( for Rhyming poetry only) by Legend.
2800 points, ended February 25, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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How true it is with just a little helping hand we can do so much Sadly few seem to be willing to give it . Well rhymed and the flow was good Good luck in the contest
Please do not reply to this comment as i wish to keep the contest Anonymous If you have not entered your second poem please do so making sure to name this one in your authors notes Thank you -
good rhyme scheme good enjambment liked this part the best:"Had my share of tragedies
Suffered more than loss
Whispered my sweet blasphemies
My burden was my cross" the ending did not 'strike' me as strongly as it should have thanks for sharing regards zaj
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first off... I love your screen name... as silly as it seems... my brother got locked up && he when he was little bitty he used to always wear his cow boy boots and hat and tell everyone that his name was "billy the kid" (sorry I just thought that I would share that memory)
As far as your poem goes... I really enjoyed it... I was able to relate to plenty of the feelings and imiages that you painted for me. GOOD JOB!!! -
I really like this,it's a little vague but that works to it's advantage, and I like the subtle religious referances. good job, and good luck in the contest.
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This poem is a bit vague but maybe you intended it to be that way. I see where you bring in the past but I do not see anything about the future. Maybe the last two lines? I don't know. Still is a decent write. Good luck in the contest!
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Functional Form
Form sometimes gets in the way. What was the spark beneath the artifice... what was the truth behind the impressive CROSS? that caused you to write/to share this? -
Thank you for your entry
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