Her eyes dripped
Like a Christmas tree losing needles
A seemingly endless supply
Scattered everywhere across her visage.
She could not be still for a moment
Continuosly wandering the hallways
Of the empty feeling house
Which no longer felt like home.
She heard his laughter in every creak
and saw his face on every
reflective surface
A zephyr of wind brought
a bird's call, but she
heardonly his voice singing.
Desperately watching the front door
Waiting for his leather soles
To stand upon the mat
Where she could see the tip of his hat
Through the window panes.
His death destroyed her.
Heaven was in his arms.
The old woman had lived her life fearing nothing
but now
terrified of being
alone.
A contest entry
- For The Deceased by DeadlyTurnip.
1550 points, ended March 24, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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You had very good word choice and description in this. However, I'm going to point out a few errors because I get really picky like that sometimes
Maybe "love" capitalized in the title, and I think it's heard only instead of heardonly in the last line of your second stanza. Also, the capitalizatio is a little haphazard at the beginning of lines.
(Not huge things) Overall I defintely enjoyed the read
Thank you for entering!
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Thanks for the comments.
As for the edits, I didn't even realize I hadn't capitalized "love" in title, and did not mean to write "heardonly" as one word. As for acpitalizing each line, I wasn't really paying attention to that when I was typing it up. Sorry if it bothered you when reading. Thanks for the feedback!
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Very well done and a touching sentiment. I might suggest a change forthe line "Heaven was in his arms" to "He was in heavens arms" since heaven is the source of comfort. Otherwise a great write. Happy trails.
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