Beached
on the doorsteps
of our honeymoon hotel,
watching the wild ocean,
waiting for the storm to fly,
leave our piece of sky for
some-place else.
Below us,
colourful umbrellas
repelled the downpour
into angry pavement splats,
Drowning busy squishy shoes,
that clearly ought to be
some-place else
Trembling at lightening,
we shared a cigarette,
your eyes were bluer than the sea.
With kisses like thunder
I never will forget,
I picked you up and whispered
breathlessly.
Its time for us to be,
some-place else.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Ahhh honey-mooned passion
the afterglow of love shared, on cigarette tips, and flesh tips, and in the sated looks of pleasure two share. the weather matters little when there is a wet spot on the bed, and two to bask in the newness of wedded bliss....Artis
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Loved the title. Great job of describing setting and occasion in first four lines. Nice use of final line repetition. Nice damp gray with colorful umbrellas for contrast. Sounds like you found a warm, dry, happy 'some-place else' to be together!
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9pts...
Thanks for your contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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Wonderful imagery coupled with some great descriptives, well done and best of luck
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Loved the repetition of "some place else." It makes it much more dramatic. Your words really painted a picture for the reader. It made me smile in the end. Great job.
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Weather plays a big role in how one feels. When it's nasty outside, it is often time to keep calm and do things inside that have been put off for a long time. On a honeymoon such as this, it does seem time to move on elsewhere.
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Loved this write. Especially the last stanza. Well done.
alby
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Very nice poem. I also like the last stanza. I don't know many people who like to watch intense stormns like that.
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The rain, oh yes and the thunder, cleansing and beautifying everything in its path, green and so lush.
wonderful imagery Ron,whistful.
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I picked you up and whispered
breathlessly.
Its time for us to be,
some-place else.
That right there was my favorite part.
And I liked how this poem
told a story.
it was good.
Great work.
...Simply Me♥
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This is a wonderful poem... I really like the imagery and the expression... the repeated 'some-place else' has a marvelous effect on the overall tone... I really enjoyed reading this
Keep writing
Polly -
That last stanza especially made me shiver . . . awesome descriptions! Up until that point, it reminded me of a trip to California I took with my mother about 4 years ago---POURED down rain for the first couple days we were there. The last stanza put the rest of the poem into better perspective, and I could imagine the scene perfectly. This is really nice!
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Love the Spring Rain
Way to go meshing anger and happiness in great visual landscape I call your poem.
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Love the Rain
this was very lovely. Thank you for sharing.
E♥
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Lovely, and the description of the rain was something I don't think I have ever heard before. It made it seem as though the couple wanted to be away from the "anger" and "tension" going on outside with the weather and all. Nicely done!
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