It's just a tease / To make us look at these...

It's just a tease / To make us look at these...

Placed at the end of aisles
Which contain boxed smiles
Shoppers hunched over like chimpanzees
Pushing carts weighed down with canned gluttonies
We fidget and scratch in a checkout line
Sneaking glances at asanine
Headlines where Elvis was last seen
On front pages of every titillating magazine
Placed strategically on impulse racks to boost sales
With tempting exotic wild tales
That JFK is still colorfully alive
Avoiding that Dallas-death-drive
Lounging with Marilyn on the Riviera
Both of them o'd-ing on fresh pasta primavera
Their waistlines gone to pot
While sunning themselves on some yacht
Listening to chirps of multiplepersonality parakeets
Far from demon possessed toilet seats
Of green outerspace aliens
Whose pictures from an out of focus lens
Strongly resemble Ross Perot look-a-likes
Traveling on charted intergalactic turnpikes
Where problems of a moral impasse
Never sing from Michael Jackson's looking glass
Out of which the dog-faced-boy stares
Watching those children in their underwears
Who believe breasts will quickly swell
If they use some magic jell
Where death throes of a princess
Fill us all to mournful excess
When we dial 1-800 to shop
For watches that suddenly stop
When they tell you how to wear hair like Loretta Lynn
Even though that look really isn't in
Where Paris+Brittney can show their gash
Exuding in photos with pounds of publicity cash
That'll blow our bored minds away
Until next week's tabloid display.
But maybe you can remove your cellulite
Without using twenty sticks of dynamite?